The Big Toe Blog

CHURCH OF HELL (Berserker Comics, 2009)

2010-03-06T01:53:00.017-05:00

CHURCH OF HELL
Written by Alan Grant / Pen & Ink by Glenn Fabry

Every time I walk into a comic store these days, I start flipping through the bins, and then ask where I can find old horror comics, EC re-prints, or something similar to scratch my itch. Stores rarely carry any of it, so I ask them for suggestions. The employees almost always point me in the direction of The Walking Dead (Image Comics, 2004) or some other zombie apocalypse/vampire storyline, neither of which tickle my fancy. But today, I stumbled upon Church of Hell, and remembered what it felt like to read a REAL horror comic! This inspired me to write again, so let's get into it shall we?

COVER ART

With horror comics (and actually all comics in general), cover art is EVERYTHING. If the cover doesn't catch your eye, chances are it might not make it into your hands. Today I went looking for Creepy #3 (Dark Horse, 2010), which didn't hit the shelves yet. Instead I came across Church of Hell, in the "C" section of independent comics. The cover by Clint Langley & Rich Buckler blew me away: a bald, evil man with dark crimson eyes & jagged blood-stained teeth, centered within a circular back-drop of demons, soldiers of Satan engulfed in plenty of flames; with excellent use of reds & blacks throughout. It only took a quick skim through the pages for me to cough up $3.99 -- the artwork is amazing, with a heavy focus on realism and great use of colors & shadows that suck the reader in after only 3 pages. Cartoon-style simply would not work here.

STORYLINE

Church of Hell is very unique, unlike any horror comic I've seen, with each story told in "arc" format with between 4-6 parts. I hadn't read #1 or #2 so I picked up in the middle of the story. But the good news is that Berserker Comics (the masterminds behind Church) is offering a FREE PDF of issue #1 right here!

http://www.mediafire.com/?jjkymojymrm

Back to Issue #3: it begins with our main character, Dominic Raggar, strolling through what appears to be a Church in the depths of Hell and conversing with a Priest, who sends him back to the "real world." Trouble & terror follow Dominic's every move: he is haunted by visions of demons and experiences hallucinations while attending the burial of his best friend David (who we find out Dom himself killed!). After disturbing David's grave, Dom escapes from the police on a motorcycle, collides head on with an 18-wheeler, smashes into a woman crossing the street with her baby in a stroller, and ignites the police car that was in hot pursuit. Abaddon, Hell's Dark Angel, descends onto the scene and Dominic walks away with nothing but a few scratches . . . he is a vehicle for the Devil, and cannot be harmed.

THEMES

Grant touches on the concepts of sin, redemption, and the complexity of unique situations that individuals face on a daily basis. The battle between good & evil is ever-present, with evil of course taking center stage. Grant builds on the "snowball effect" of sin, showing how little white lies can accumulate into much larger, more significant evils. Our villains (in this case, the demons) are crafted with such detail and care; they literally come to life in the comic.

I highly recommend Church of Hell to any fan of horror movies or comic books - the storyline is truly one of a kind; the artwork is out of this world & violent in all the right ways . It's great to see people breaking away from the confines of the recent "zombie trend" and taking a different path to horror -- a Satanic, psychological journey through the depths of Hell . . .

Interior art by WAYNE NICHOLS and GLENN FABRY

Pick up your copy of Church of Hell at your local comic shop or visit Berserker online at:

www.churchofhellcomic.com

LUNCHMEAT

2009-12-29T22:14:00.011-05:00

Well it's been a few months since I wrote in this blog. To be honest, I've been super busy working on my other project The Cat is Dead, Put Her Out For Garbage and all the hard work has finally paid off. I was recently contacted by an agent who is going to help me turn this concept into a coffee table book (which has always been the goal). But anyway that's not why you're here . . . you want horror!

I've been watching lots of great movies since Halloween when I last wrote, but something else grabbed my attention last week and inspired me to write a new entry here at The Big Toe . . . this weekend I picked up a copy of Lunchmeat #4, a home-made zine that dives deep into the lost world of VHS cinema and all the horrors that came along with it. Truly an amazing publication with great reviews on some really obscure films. The design has a pulp feel, and the glossy heavyweight cover lets you know you're holidng something special! And best of all, the writers know their subject . . . I've seen alot of horror movies in my day, but these guys manage to find some real gems! Published out of PA by editors Josh Schafer and Ted Gilbert, Lunchmeat takes me back to my old days on the Long Island Hardcore scene, when self-published black & white zines floated around at shows, containing reviews of 7" records from bands on the local hardcore scene, grainy graffiti photos from Long Island, and interviews typed on a type-writer, accompanied by cut & paste images from comics and magazines. Simply put, reading Lunchmeat is a nostalgic experience, and I cannot put the thing down!

Thinking even further back, I remember when I was a little kid in the early 80's and my Mom would take me food shopping. At first I didn't like to go - it was boring and I would have rather been home watching cartoons. But as soon as I discovered the VHS movie aisle and the horror section, I suddenly couldn't wait to go! This was back in the day when Pathmark in my neighborhood used to rent out movies, long before Blockbuster & Netflix even existed (and long before DVD and Blu Ray). While my Mom was stocking up on food, I would pace up and down the movie aisle, absorbing the cover art on "big box" VHS titles, reading the plot summaries on the backs of the tapes, and memorizing the titles. I'll never forget the cover art for movies like Chopping Mall (body parts in a shopping bag being held by a robotic arm), Funhouse (killer clown holding a knife), Critters (little furry creature smiling back at me saying "rent me!"), C.H.U.D. (something coming out of a manhole . . .), Ghoulies (who could forget the ugly bald green guy coming out of the toilet?!), and so many more classics . . .

As a kid I remember telling my Mom how excited I was to one day "finally be old enough to rent them." My Mom laughed it off, but little did she know these VHS boxes were molding me into the horror-obsessed genre fanatic that I am today. Over 20 years later, I find myself cruising around Ebay trying to find those memorable VHS movies, and one peek at the box takes me right back to the movie aisle at Pathmark! So for someone like me, Lunchmeat is like a Bible. I sent in my check for $20 (for a 1-year subscription) and even wrote to the editors to pat them on the back for creating such an awesome piece of literature. I strongly suggest you hurry over to your local comic shop - the issues are super limited and #1 and #2 are already out of print . . .

Visit Lunchmeat online over at:
www.myspace.com/lunchmeatzine

Movie Review #48: Trick R Treat

2009-10-16T00:21:00.009-04:00

TRICK 'R TREAT
(2009)

About 2 years ago I started hearing buzz about a little movie called Trick 'R Treat that was shelved with no definitive release date; rumors soon flew around the horror community when the film was pushed back in 2007. For the next 2 years the carrot dangled in front of us with trailers and sneak peeks at the main character Sam, who appeared to be a little trick-or-treater wearing a burlap pumpkin sack over his head. I caught a few minutes of the film at this year's Fangoria Weekend of Horrors and checked the internet every day following, hoping for word on a release date. Warner Bros & Legendary Pictures heard the call and finally released the film straight to DVD on October 6, 2009, just in time for Halloween, and horror fans across the country got their wish . . .

Let's start by saying that there has not been a horror movie made to truly capture the creepy feeling of Halloween since, well, John Carpenter's Halloween (1978). And even that film took place on this special day but hardly focused on the nature of the holiday itself. There is a certain connection to October 31 that we all share - the crisp breeze in the air, the leaves that begin to change color and fall from the trees, people's homes transformed into houses of horror, neighborhood kids dressed as ghouls, and of course, enough candy to send our family dentist to the Bahamas for a month-long vacation. For horror fanatics like myself, Halloween is more important than Christmas and we needed a film that encompassed all the elements of this time of year . . . in that respect Trick 'R Treat certainly delivers on all fronts.

Growing up I would ride my skateboard to the local comic shop to grab the latest EC reprint of Tales From The Crypt, The Vault of Horror, and the Haunt of Fear, which originally hit the stands in the 1950's. The presentation of these stories fascinated me, with creepy hosts like the Old Witch cackling one-liners and telling tales of murder & terror in friendly comic format. When HBO launched Tales From The Crypt as a TV Series in 1989, I abandoned my Nintendo and sat religiously in front of the tube for my weekly dose of horror. The voice of John Kassir as the Crypt Keeper and the brilliant intro music of Danny Elfman is forever stained in my brain. Trick 'R Treat plays out like an old Tales From The Crypt comic and is actually an anthology of four Halloween-related scary stories. We're even treated to some comic artwork in the film, and a comic book based on the film will be released this month, along with a slew of awesome movie merchandise. The marketing campaign behind this film is incredible. It is obvious that director Michael Dougherty was heavily influenced by these aforementioned EC classics and pays homage to them in his film, which is sure to please any life-long genre fan yearning for that "old school" horror feel that has been lost in a vicious cycle of big-budget Hollywood remakes and watered-down teeny bopper terror that emerged in the late 90's.

Back to Sam: Trick 'R Treat uses Sam as the bridge between the four intertwined stories, and his sole purpose in the film is to remind the characters the importance of honoring Halloween tradition. I don't want to spoil the film for anyone reading this, but the un-masking of Sam is probably one of the cutest yet most terrifying moments of the film. The stories within the story (The Principal, Surprise Party, The Halloween School Bus Massacre Revisited, and Meet Sam) are gory, campy, humorous, and fun. You have to watch the film more than once to catch all the tie-ins and plot overlaps - it is the kind of film that gets better every time you see it. The obvious strength of the movie is the setting and the plot / character development - the audience feels like they are trick or treating right there in the neighborhood. Capturing the feeling you get as Halloween nears could not have been an easy task, but Dougherty and his crew succeeded with flying orange and black colors.

If Halloween had an anthem, Trick 'R Treat would be the band that played it. The film was a cult classic before it even hit the shelves at Blockbuster, which is quite an achievement for any film in any genre. Horror fans are obsessive and dedicated, and I'm certain they will find satisfaction in this "little film that could." I hate to use the phrase "there's something for everyone" but in Trick 'R Treat this definitely rings true. I can't think of a better way to celebrate Halloween than watching this movie with a bowl of popcorn and a garbage bag full of candy . . . just make sure you check that Snickers bar for a razor blade first . . .

http://trickrtreat-movie.warnerbros.com/

The Halloween School Bus Massacre Revisited

Sam the doll - not quite a Cabbage Patch Kid . . .

Movie Review #47: Grace

2009-10-14T23:21:00.010-04:00

GRACE (2009)

There are very few horror films that accurately capture the love between a mother and her newborn child, let alone focus on that unconditional love as the main source of tension and terror. The role of women in our beloved genre is typically reserved for drawn out chase scenes between her & a killer, or making her the first of the body count after an onslaught of gratuitous nudity and teenage sex. As humans, we are predisposed to sympathize with a woman as the lead role in a film, and making the newborn baby the villain is something no director in Hollywood seems to want to touch. Films like Rosemary's Baby (1968), It's Alive (1974), and to some extent, Basket Case (1982) have toyed with the notion of the infant as the source of evil, but no such film has accomplished the sheer horror evoked by Paul Solet's debut film, Grace.

I sat down to watch the film with extremely high expectations, having heard the buzz from Sundance about two grown men fainting during the screening and being a huge fan of Adam Green (Hatchet, 2006), who produced the film under the umbrella of ArieScope pictures. I had also heard the stories about Paul Solet, who hit the streets and horror conventions to promote his film carrying a dead bloody baby on his chest. I have a great deal of respect for such a grassroots marketing strategy, coming from a music scene on Long Island where we promoted hardcore shows to round up a gang of kids into a VFW Hall somewhere out East where they could bash each other to shreds while listening to brutal anti-establishment music, and knowing this was Solet's approach just made me want to see the film even more. Not to mention the promo poster (above) which left a lot to our sick & twisted imaginations. I knew this would be a film unlike anything I have seen, but to say I was blown away would be an understatement . . .

Our main character, Madeline, played by Jordan Ladd, finally becomes pregnant after several unsuccessful attempts and although the baby dies toward the end of the 9 month period, she decides to carry the baby to term. This is actually a real scientific possibility and the premise on which Solet wrote the script. Her husband dies in a car crash and after a horrible birth scene that takes place in the home of a mid-wife, Madeline brings her dead child Grace into the world, giving her life by feeding her blood. The baby's appetite becomes insatiable and Madeline soon finds herself draining blood from animal meat for nutrition, eventually crossing the ultimate line and killing a doctor who pays her a house call, so she can fill Grace's bottle with fresh blood.

Early in the film, Madeline discovers the need to drain herself to satisfy Grace, and the feedings become increasingly violent. She becomes a shut-in, alienating herself from friends and family and fully dedicating herself to the care of the child. The presence of flies in Grace's bedroom hint at the "undead" nature of the baby and raise suspicion throughout the entire film. Madeline's over-bearing mother-in-law Vivian (played by Gabrielle Rose), whose mission is to repossess Grace for herself, creates further stress on the audience while offering a glimpse into the varying degrees of a mother's love for child, a theme that is constantly emphasized in Solet's script. The raw emotion on screen is very real, and the cast of characters are spot-on.

Most of the film takes place inside Madeline's home, with a similar feeling to one of my personal favorites, the French film Inside (2006), in which a woman on the brink of motherhood is tormented in her home by a strange woman who wants her unborn baby. In Grace, Vivian is the threat, and Madline must do whatever it takes to protect her child. Solet offers more than just insight into a mother's undying love for her baby, something no man (or woman without children) can understand -- he asks the question "what happens when a woman goes past that point of love and into madness?" The result is a film so far from reality but yet somehow still very real. Quite a feat indeed . . .

There is no need for a masked killer here. The real terror lies in the viewer's uncertainty about Grace, the obsession of Madeline to keep her seeimgly innocent child alive, the persistence of Vivian to destroy Madeline, and of course the straight up disgusting concept of a baby who lives off human blood. Solet succeeds in making two very basic & essential pieces of human nature, childbirth and motherhood, downright terrifying. This is the strength of Grace, and what makes it, in my opinion, one of the best horror films of the last decade if not one of the best ever made.

Check out Grace over at:
www.gracehorror.com

Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don't sing, Momma's gonna kill someone and feed you their blood . . .

Movie Review #46: Friday the 13th - Part III (1982)

2009-09-23T22:26:00.012-04:00

FRIDAY THE 13th: PART 3

Directed by Steve Miner

The recent re-make of Friday the 13th this year made me want to watch all the Friday films over again in order. It has been years since I saw them, and tonight I popped in Part 3. Most horror fans will agree that the first 4 films are the only ones worth watching, and I couldn't agree more. The first 2 films are horror classics, and few realize that it wasn't until Part 3 that Jason puts on his infamous hockey mask. So I decided to start with this film for the purposes of this blog . . .

Part 3 starts off with a re-cap of the second film, which left off inside Jason's shack in the woods, home to his candlelit shrine with the decapitated head of his mother Mrs. Voorhees. Cut to a country store, where we hear a TV news station report on the Crystal Lake murders. The film starts off slow, with an old couple who become Jason's first victims during 15 minutes of useless footage -- an anti-climactic body count of 2 before the intro credits even roll. The film finally kicks off with a group of teens preparing for a camping trip (big surprise!). The couple who wants to have lots of sex in the woods, the annoying roommate, and two stoners -- the usual recipe for disaster. And in typical horror genre fashion, the group has an encounter with a crazy old bum carrying a human eyeball, who warns the kids that they are in danger. How come no one ever listens to the crazy old bum holding a body part? I guess then we wouldn't have a horror movie, would we?

Anyway, one of the main characters, Shelly (played by Larry Zerner), is a prankster who has a run-in with a local motorcycle gang in front of the general store, knocking over their bikes. The gang follows Shelly back to the lake house seeking revenge, and soon meet face to face with Jason (or should i say face to bag face - Jason is still sporting the potato sack and hasn't put on his mask yet) in broad daylight. Three of them are killed in the barn -- one gets a pitchfork to the face and is hung up by the neck; the other gets a pitchfork to the chest, and the third gets a few whacks to the face with a meat cleaver. The "bad guys" don't last very long in this film . . .

After cleaning up the bad apples, Jason moves on to our main characters. Surprisingly, the couple having sex aren't the first to go. One of the girls is found sitting on the dock dipping her feet in the lake, and Shelly emerges from the water in a hockey mask holding a spear gun. Jason soon acquires the mask and spear gun, which he uses to murder her in one of the best kill scenes of the film, firing the spear from a distance right through her skull. However, we never actually see him take the mask -- one minute he just emerges from the shadows wearing it. It's strange that there is no emphasis on Jason putting on the mask, which has since become a historic symbol of horror that everyone recognizes, and it should have been a crucial moment in the film.

One by one Jason takes out our main characters, leaving behind one girl, Chris (played by Dana Kimmell) to fight him off in the end. She gets a few good stabs at Jason, and his painful grunts are rather comical. And what do you do when you're trying to get away from Jason in a van and he reaches into the driver side window? You roll up the window of course! That oughtta stop him! The interaction between Jason and Chris during the final moments of the film are your standard horror movie chase scenes, poorly acted, drawn out too long, and adhere to the same format as the first 2 films (and pretty much every other horror film to follow). Remember kids, the killer is never really dead in the end, no matter what you do to him, even if you leave him hanging by the neck from the barn. But Part 3 is a good watch, and a critical part of the series where Jason gets his mask, a must-see for all horror fans. Also keep an eye out for the brief moment when Jason lifts his mask to reveal his mutated face, something that was left to the imagination at the end of Part 2 when Ginny pulled back the potato sack.

Important to note here is the use of 3-D technology which, at the time, was still very new (Part 3 was made in 1982). However, it still must have been a treat for movie-goers during those days. The director is obviously testing the new concept in this film, wasting it on useless shots like a baseball bat coming off the screen but making good use of it when Jason fires the spear gun right at the audience. And again in one of my favorite scenes when Jason squeezes Rick's head until his eyeball pops out in all its 3-D glory. Hollywood has come a long way with the use of 3-D, and judging by the 60+ films being released in 3-D this year, the gimmick is back in full force.

PS. what's up with the funk soundtrack that Harry Manfredini wrote for this film? It sounds like Goblin making a porno . . .

Check out Friday the 13th Part III on IMDB over at:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083972/

Movie Review #45: The Last House on the Left (2009)

2009-09-03T22:44:00.030-04:00

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (2009)
Directed by Dennis Iliades / Produced by Wes Craven

The Big Toe Blog presents: the original vs. the remake

When I first saw the magazine ad in Fangoria for The Last House on the Left, I thought to myself "here we go again -- another remake of a genre classic that people will probably hate." Truth is, I never really liked the 1971 original in the first place. I popped it into my DVD player about 10 years ago with high hopes, as a Wes Craven fan well-aware of all the hype surrounding it. I found myself wishing I was watching I Spit On Your Grave (1978) instead, one of the better rape & revenge films out there, that followed the Last House formula but carried out the same concept with flying blood-red colors. I found the soundtrack to the original to be distracting (i.e. during the rape scenes there is a ballad playing?!) and at times very out of place. Known for its stark contrast to the picture's action, the music is the main source of weakness in the film. Unfortunately, I easily dismissed the original Last House film, feeling rather indifferent towards it, so the unveiling of a remake was actually quite appealing to me because I always felt the story had great potential . . .

In a nutshell, the remake is exactly what the original could have been, with a bigger budget of course, and had it been created after 30 years of learnings in the genre. At one point, Wes Craven himself (who also produced the remake) mentions in the special features that the remake is what the original film should have been. Rumor has it that the 1971 script was written to be a hardcore, violent horror film, but was scaled back when it went into production. First off, the 2009 version is MUCH gorier and makes full use of modern special effects make-up (obviously) -- after all, it seems you can't sell a movie these days without these 2 things. The power of the film is in the way the viewer actually feels the pain on screen, something that was so obviously missing from the original. The 1971 actors just seemed to be going through the motions, which bored me; within a simple forest backdrop, laced with irrelevant music throughout, much of the genuine emotion that makes a film memorable is completely lost. The intensity of emotion and terrifying possibility of reality is where the remake prevails.

There are a few scenes in the 2009 version where I found myself literally cringing and hanging off the edge of my seat, especially when Uncle Frank (played by Aaron Paul, also a convincing drug addict in one of my favorite shows, Breaking Bad on AMC) takes a hammer to the head while his arm is being shredded in the kitchen sink's garbage disposal. It is such a brutal scene, during which the parents of the rape victim (young 17-year old Mari Collingwood, played by Sara Paxton) come to terms with their ability to be violent, setting off a night of carnage that blows the original out of the water. You feel the pain of the parents, you sympathize with Mari, you really want revenge for the family, more so than you ever did. It is a perfect revenge film, brilliantly executed with more tension than a 400-pound woman laying in a hammock. However, critic's reviews were less than favorable as usual. As long as you're not watching the film through a microscope and just experiencing it on the surface for what it is, I'm sure any horror fan will enjoy the gratuitous violence and non-stop brutality. And if you still don't want to take my word for it, just skip ahead to the final scene . . . TV dinner anyone?

Lastly (no pun intended), the only thing about the original that I'm still somewhat attached to is the promo poster (pictured below). The words "It rests on 13 acres of earth over the very center of hell . . ." are promising but imply a "haunted house" film of sorts, which is completely misleading. And the slogan "To avoid fainting, keep repeating: it's only a movie, it's only a movie . . . " is sheer movie marketing genius! The Last House on the Left is a perfect example of why us horror fans should give remakes a chance -- and if you still like the original better, it will always be there for you. I think too many movie-goers (especially horror fanatics) feel like remakes take away from the luster of the original, which couldn't be further from the truth . . .

Original poster for the 1971 film

Would you let this gang of riff-raff into your house on a dark & stormy night?
The "bad guys" of the 2009 Last House remake in one of the most popular shots from the film.

Check out The Last House on the Left 2009 film at:
www.thelasthouseontheleft.com

Lake George is Haunted

2009-08-28T23:20:00.017-04:00

LAKE GEORGE IS HAUNTED

Lake George, NY will forever hold a special place in the back of my mind as one of my favorite family vacation spots. As a kid, I would spend a week up there with my family camping, swimming in the lake, getting ice cream in town, and of course, visiting The House of Frankenstein Wax Museum. This summer I had the pleasure of returning to Lake George for the first time in over 10 years, and to my excitement, the museum still stands. They even added a haunted house up the block called Dr. Morbid's, and for a small fee of $14 you can visit both attractions year-round.

Outside Dr. Morbid's Haunted House

After spending some time lakeside eating homemade kettle corn, I forked over the $14 without hesitation. Our first visit was Dr. Morbid's. The inside of the lobby, although well-lit with sunshine pouring in through the front windows, is darkly decorated like an old library, with a dusty piano and a corpse propped up in an armchair. Her dead cat's skeleton is sprawled out on a chair nearby. Eerie portraits line the walls, and a chair made of skulls (similar to the furniture from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) takes the center of the room.

The lobby of Dr. Morbid's (above) is very well done . . .

Look at this sexy mama!

You are greeted by a live guide at the entrance of a long dark hallway. Upon entering the haunted house, you are instructed to line the wall with your backs against it, and the first room is pitch black. The guide begins with the story of Dr. Morbid and his mad house of wax. Guests are then greeted by a moving, talking skeleton inside of a booth that resembles the cover of the first Creepshow film. Unfortunately, flash photography was not permitted inside. Each room is designed with great detail, and I was very impressed with the layout. Coffins open and close, large barrels of wax bubble, corpses (and live people) jump out from every corner, all while being led through the dark halls by a creepy guide who cackles as she tells her story. At the end of the tour, you are left in Dr. Morbid's lab, where he dips his human subjects in wax to create his house of horror. An alarm sounds, and the guide screams for everyone to get out while they still can, and you are chased down the hallway by a ghoul with a chainsaw, back out into the sun drenched lobby. The entire experience lasted about 10 minutes and the guide moves very quickly, so I recommend hanging at the back of the group so you can really take in all the details of each room. Note the hardcover book on the table of Dr. Morbid's study, titled Satan is a Man . . .

Outside The House of Frankenstein Wax Museum

The next stop was The House of Frankenstein Wax Museum, a landmark on the main drag of Lake George. I'm not sure how long the museum has been there, but the exhibits show their age (I'll get to that part shortly). The lobby, however, is much more modern, with Frankenstein himself planted at the entrance, strapped inside some kind of mad science experiment, with Dr. Frankenstein himself controlling the panels nearby. A glass display case next to the ticket counter is filled with some really great sculptures and Frankenstein figures worth taking a good look at.

Frankie about to get the juice . . .

Dr. Frankenstein takes control of the situation . . .

The glass display case that I was very jealous of . . .

Upon entering the museum you climb a tall flight of stairs beneath a chandelier dangling from the ceiling, and enter a dark hallway with glass windows along one side, just like I remembered it as a kid. I was happy to hear that photography was permitted, but no flash (I have a great setting on my camera called "available light" that works great in such situations, and another setting called "behind glass"). The first window that you come to is a ghost with eyes that light up, and I was rather unimpressed - I wasn't even convinced that the display was made of wax . . . he just kind of hovers there, and after a minute it was time to move on.

A light-up ghost who didn't seem to be made of wax. Not a very good intro to the museum. The Creepshow skeleton at the entrance to Dr. Mobid's blew this guy out of the water!

As you make your way down the hall, behind each window is a horror scene that you can interact with by pushing a button on the window sill. Here are some of my favorites:

Dracula stands in the corner, and when you press the button he fades away and a vampire bat appears, using some sort of mirror trick.

A murder takes place in a bathtub, and when you press the button the killer slams an axe down into the victim (by far the goriest and best exhibit in the museum).

Witness a seance, with a very cheesy moving table effect . . .

The pendulum swings and dices a victim laid out on a table.

A huge room dedicated to Medieval Torture shows victims inside an Iron Maiden, strapped to a stretch rack, laid on a bed of nails, and of course the infamous guillotine device that actually works.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame claims a female victim.

A cheating husband is served the decapitated head of his lover while his maniac wife looks on with a smile.

The Phantom of the Opera plays a tune.

An amazing wax figure of Jason Voorhees pays homage to a modern horror icon.

A dark religious order of hooded Druids offer a sacrifice.

. . . and a prisoner is burnt to a crisp in a smoking electric chair.

The list goes on and on . . .

The House of Frankenstein is a journey through the history of horror, and without a guide you can spend as much time as you like viewing each exhibit. There is something for everyone here, and horror fans will be pleased with the amount of detail and care taken with each figure. My only gripe is that everything is behind glass, so you feel somewhat distanced from the experience. Some of the exhibits have not exactly aged gracefully, but the good news is you can skip over these and chances are the next one will be to your liking. All of the scenes are as I remember them, and I'm not sure much has been done to beef up the presentations over time. But that certainly does not take anything away from them -- they were just as awesome as they were 10 years ago!

Visit The House of Frankenstein online at:
http://www.frankensteinwaxmuseum.com/

Visit Dr. Morbid's Haunted House online at:
http://www.drmorbid.com/

A TRIBUTE TO GREEN SLIME

2009-07-23T20:35:00.017-04:00

SLIME

Slime was one of the coolest things about growing up in the 80's. Sure, there was a plethora of terrible glam hair bands, heavy metal denim jackets, awful synth-pop music, and plenty of cocaine during this decade. But nothing represented the innocence and freedom of youth quite like slime! This entry is a tribute to the gooey sticky green stuff that made being a kid so much fun . . .

It all started for me sometime in the early part of the 80's when I religiously watched You Can't Do That On Television, and the kids got green slime dumped on their heads every time they said "I don't know." I used to cheer at the TV set every time it happened. While grocery shopping with my Mom it was always a treat to drop a quarter in the vending machine and leave the store with a plastic bubble full of slime, which I would then use to terrorize my little sister and pretend I was sneezing out a handful of bright green snot. Even more fun was throwing the glob up onto the ceiling and watching it drip down, ignoring my Mom's yelling from the next room. They even had "sticky hands" that you could slap on a friend or nearby wall, providing endless hours of enjoyment. When Ghostbusters came out in 1984, slime was all the rage, thanks to Slimer and the infamous Bill Murray line "I've been slimed."

But nothing was more fun than the abundance of grossout toys. Toy companies like Arco and Mattel in the 80's were all about slime -- some of my favorites being the Mad Scientist Dissect-An-Alien, Alien Blood, and Living Ice series, Masters of The Universe Slime Pit, and the Manglor Mountain Volcanic Playset.

The Dissect-An-Alien kit was the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen -- you got a plastic alien with a rubber chest that would open up, and you could remove his organs (and of course, slime) with a plastic scalpel and place them on their appropriate spots on a laboratory mat. The slime glowed in the dark too! That was basically all the toy did, but what more do you really need when you're 7 years old?! I still have no idea to this day how I convinced my parents to buy me this ridiculous item . . .

The Alien Blood figures were soft rubbery characters that you would fill with "alien blood" and when you squeezed them, slime would ooze from their nose, eyes, and mouth. Characters named Sammy Sneeze, Billy Belcher, and Oscar I-Rot were disgusting, and I loved all 3 of them.

The Living Ice series took the idea a bit further, and although not technically "slime" but rather a sculptable form of "goo," it was still an awesome toy. The Living Ice playset came with a small container of "ice" which you would pack into a plastic mold, and when you squeezed the two molds together you had a tiny little monster. And what would you do with this little guy? Well, you could pull him apart and make another one, or splatter him against the wall, as the box so blatantly advertises. Just take a look at this cute little bastard named I-Chomp below . . .

Every boy growing up the 80's loved He-Man. If you didn't then you must have been a complete loser who got cheap thrills by pulling up the skirt on your little sister's Barbie doll. Everyone remembers Skunkor, who smelled like . . . yup, you guessed it . . . a rancid skunk. But how many people remember the Slime Pit? A torture device designed by Skeletor and his evil minions, the Slime Pit was a tower with a dinosaur skull at the top that you filled with slime. He-Man and the "good guys" would then get placed at the base in the grip of a skeleton hand and the skull would ooze slime down onto them. Pointless, yes, but more fun than leaving pennies on your Grandma's floor and then hiding under her kitchen table and watching her pick them all up like she just won the lottery.

And lastly, my favorite of the slime toys, was the Manglor Mountain Volcanic Playset. Similar in concept to the Slime Pit, this was a volcano with a gargoyle head. It came with a "manglord" (a figure much like Stretch Armstrong) who you could pull apart and stick back together. You would place the manglord into a plastic iron maiden-like coffin, drop him into the top of the volcano full of slime, and press a button in the gargoyles mouth. Then the coolest thing ever would happen -- the manglord would sink down into the slime! Once again, completely pointless.

Nowadays these toys wouldn't last a week on the shelves at Toys R Us, which is a damn shame. Perhaps this is because kids today are all hopped up on behavorial control drugs and have the attention span of a gnat, which only XBox 360 seems to cure. Apparently some of the 80's slime toys were criticized and in some cases even banned -- I guess parents didn't watch the commercials before buying. I can only wonder how I spent most of my youth dissecting aliens, pulling apart monsters, drowning them in slime, and still ended up somewhat sane.

MOVIE REVIEW #43: REC

2009-07-15T22:20:00.004-04:00

REC (2007)
Directed by Jaume Balaguero & Paco Plaza

REC is the 2007 Spanish film which Quarantine, the 2008 American version, is based on. Surprisingly, both films are practically identical. REC follows suit with other first-person style horror films, like Blair Witch Project and Diary of the Dead -- shaky camerawork that makes you dizzy while you experience the horror first-hand. The film follows a TV reporter, Angela Vidal and her cameraman Pablo, who spend the night with a crew of firemen in their firehouse, hoping for a small emergency to make the documentary interesting. They get a little more than they bargained for when the call comes in.

They respond to a call regarding a screaming woman who is trapped in an apartment building. When they arrive, the woman is drenched in blood and attacks one of the firemen, biting him on the neck. The residents panic, and when they attempt to escape they are warned by the police to stay away from the windows. The authorities seal off the building with plastic sheets, trapping the people inside, informing them that they have been quarantined and will be sending in a health inspector. Once inside, the health inspector informs the residents that a dog from the building was brought to the vet a day earlier, and was infected with some sort of strange virus, which tipped off the local police that the building was contaminated.

One by one the residents fall victim to the virus after being bitten by the infected, leaving Angela and Pablo as the only survivors as the end of the film nears. When they reach the top floor of the building in an attempt to escape, they find themselves in an abandoned apartment filled with newspaper clippings, religious artifacts, and laboratory items. We quickly learn that the resident of the apartment was an agent of the Vatican, investigating the demonic possession of a young European girl. He brought her to the States and kept her locked in the apartment, performing experiments on her. Angela discovers a tape recorder documenting his studies, and soon realizes that her and Pablo are not alone in the apartment. Pablo puts the camera up into the attic, and a bloody infected boy jumps at the camera, destroying the spotlight. After putting the camera on night shot, the real terror finally begins. Angela and Pablo spot a figure moving inside the apartment, and once in full view we see an emaciated, lanky infected woman rummaging around the kitchen. It is an absolutely terrifying sight. The final few minutes of the film, where Pablo and Angela are trying to keep quiet and not be noticed by the woman, are the most horrific moments of the movie. I won't tell you what happens in that room, but let's just say there's no happy ending.

REC was a cool movie, but nothing too ground breaking here -- think 28 Days Later with a shaky camera, shot in an apartment building. The movie's plot grows increasingly chaotic with every moment, and the arguments among the characters I found to be very annoying. Screaming "what the hell is going on" over and over again did not evoke a feeling of terror, but rather frustration for the viewer. The horror takes the form of panic and chaos, with very little gore to back it up. The lack of music also makes the film anti-climactic, relying on quick scares and surprises around each corner instead of a haunting soundtrack. Essentially you could fast forward to the end of the film when the screen turns green and see the best part of the movie. But if you're in the mood for a bunch of people running up and down stairs screaming, the start from the beginning.

Check out the REC trailer here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeaUokzE9fI

MOVIE REVIEW #42: MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

2009-07-13T22:58:00.008-04:00

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)
Directed by George Mihalka

First off I'd like to apologize for the lack of updates these past few weeks. I've been super busy and really haven't been taking advantage of my NetFlix account. So when it finally came time to update my queue I decided to check out the original My Bloody Valentine film from 1981, after having seen this year's remake and thoroughly enjoying it (see Movie Review #34, February 2009). Surprisingly I had never seen the original -- I was only 2 years old when it hit theaters. Now, your average horror fan will almost always stand by the claim that the original is always better than the remake, but in the case of MBV this couldn't be further from the truth. Each film does certain things well, pros and cons which I will touch on in this review.

Unfortunately, the original doesn't kick off with the same violent, shocking intro as the remake -- instead we witness two masked miners wandering through a mine, and then, for no reason at all and with no explanation, one miner removes her mask and clothing, revealing long waves of blond hair and a heart tattoo on her left breast. She seduces the other miner, stroking his oxygen tube. He suddenly has a "change of heart" and impales her on his pickaxe. Roll intro credits. The 2009 remake takes hold of the audience within the first 5 minutes, opening with a brutal scene at Mercy Hospital where our killer Harry Warden has just awoken from a coma, and mutilated everyone in his path. Blood drips from the walls and fresh corpses litter the hallways. Take your "pick!"

Of course the plot development differs in both films -- every director interprets a script differently. In the original, local legend tells us that Harry Warden escaped from a mental hospital, returning to Valentine Bluffs to kill residents on the night of the Valentine Dance, a tradition he warns the townies to cancel every year . . . or die. The "kids" ignore the town bartender's warning and a bunch of candy boxes housing human hearts, and have a Valentines party at (you guessed it) the Hanniger Mine, where the first set of murders took place years ago. One by one they are killed off, in typical slasher fashion, with a "twist" of an ending that is all too predictable. The remake takes a different approach, following the individual lives of each character and focusing on their interaction while trying to determine who the killer is. The characters have a history, and feel much more real. Throughout the storyline we are treated to gory high-tech death scenes that are further enhanced by the 3-D technology.

The original is a low budget Canadian slasher film that echoed the genre stereotypes of its predecessors, Halloween (1978) and Friday the 13th (1980). One obvious difference between the two films is the usage of CGI, 3-D, and special gore effects in the remake, technology that was unavailable at the time of the original. However, the 1981 version was way ahead of its time in that it shocked the viewer with realistic gore effects and fantastic on-location camerawork inside a real mine, a difficult feat even for modern film, due to the lighting and camera challenges filmmakers are faced with when shooting underground in a mine rather than inside a man-made studio setting. The first-person point of view of Harry Warden is the most terrifying aspect of the original (especially when we hear his breathing through the mask and witness the murders through his own eyes), a concept that was regrettably missing from the remake. Why the 2009 director (Patrick Lussier) decided to omit this POV is beyond me, considering how effective it was in both Halloween and Friday, when Michael Myers' and Jason's breathing made the very hairs on the back of our necks stand up straight.

Another notable comparison is the character development in both films. The actors in the original are too old for their roles (and terrible actors at that), so we sympathize with them much less, whereas in the remake the character development is much stronger. We get a real sense of their history & friendship -- growing up in a small town I could relate to their feelings of discomfort and terror when their innocent home turf is turned upside down by a series of grisly murders. Our murderer Harry Warden doesn't change much -- the miner mask and pick axe are the tools of a memorable 1980's slasher icon, putting him right at the head of the class with Jason, Freddy, Leatherface, and Myers -- changing his appearance would have been simply disastrous for the remake.

While vastly different in terms of plot, characterization, and cinematography, both films shine in their use of creative kills. Most notably for the original is the old woman's melted corpse in the dryer at the local laundromat. In the remake the sheriff's jaw is torn off by Harry's pickaxe and flies off the screen in all its 3-D glory. Gaping chest cavities with missing hearts are trademark effects in each film, but today's modern film magic makes My Bloody Valentine 3-D a more rewarding experience. Make sure you check out the DVD extras for some cool insight into the special effects used in the film . . .

Speaking of the DVD, it is important to note that the original film fell victim to a great deal of censorship in the 80's, and until the 2009 Lionsgate release the film had not been seen in its original format. Cuts were requested to every death sequence in the movie. Even after cutting the movie to match the requirements made by the MPAA, the film was returned with an X-rating and more cuts were demanded. But if you grab this year's release you can see it all!

Check out My Bloody Valentine on IMDB and be sure to grab a copy of the 2009 Lionsgate release to witness a true classic of the 1980's slasher genre:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082782/

The Creature Meets The Cool Ghoul

2009-06-05T00:42:00.004-04:00

Here's a video from last year's Chiller Theatre convention where I had the honor of meeting the legendary Zacherley, The Cool Ghoul

:)

This made me very happy.

MOVIE REVIEW #41: LAID TO REST

2009-05-26T01:57:00.014-04:00

LAID TO REST (2009)
Directed by Robert Hall

I was lucky enough to grow up during the 80's and 90's when slasher films were at the top of their game. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came out a few years before I was born (1974) and Leatherface was the first real slasher icon. During the years to follow, young horror fans like myself were introduced to Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Michael Myers, the "Holy Trinity" of slasher characters, often imitated but never duplicated. Hollywood has tried to reinvent the slasher role many times since, but the modern characters just don't have the same substance as their predecessors. Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006) tried to pay homage by creating a new serial slasher with a twist, shot in documentary style from the POV of Vernon himself. The film, while a great concept, failed to match the terror evoked by the Holy Trinity. It was not until this year's Laid to Rest that Hollywood finally got it right . . .

Truth be told, we needed a new horror icon. It seems the genre has turned into a pissing contest where directors try to out-do one another by having the most over-the-top death scenes and quick scares in their films. Less focus is placed on the development of the character who is actually doing the killing. This is where Laid To Rest really shines. Popular effects artist turned director, Robert Hall, introduces us to "Chromeskull," a slick, polished murderer armed with two hunting knives, wearing a black suit, and of course, a chrome-dipped skull mask, who drives a fancy black car (with a personalized Chromeskull license plate). Unlike most killers, he sports the latest technology -- a video camera mounted on his shoulder like a parrot and a sleek cell phone to communicate with his victims. A far cry from the ax-wielding maniacs we're used to . . . but it's refreshing!

The film cuts right to the chase -- Bobbi Sue Luther plays The Girl, our lead, whose acting is so terrible one can only hope that Hall did this on purpose. He creates a shallow, one-dimensional character that embodies all the bad acting from every horror film ever made. She is so uninteresting and disposable that we don't even know her name, hence "The Girl" moniker. Luther's performance is painful to watch, especially when she stumbles over her dialogue in an attempt to appear nervous, scared, or confused. She awakes in a coffin in a funeral home, with no recollection of how she got there, and finds a phone within minutes to call the police for help. However, she walks too far away from the phone and the cord snaps. We decide right away that she is a complete idiot and we don't mind if she happens to get killed. By choosing not to connect the audience with the lead, Hall creates an uncomfortable environment where anything goes. Once again, it's refreshing. In the opening scene of the film we catch a glimpse of Chromeskull - no character development, no tension - he jumps onto the screen and the film kicks right into gear.

After a brief encounter with Chromeskull, The Girl escapes on foot and a pick-up truck driven by an older man named Tucker (played by Kevin Gage) spots her on the highway. He takes her home where his wife, Cindy (Lina Headey), comforts her and offers a fresh shower & place to rest for the night, until she can remember her name and they can get her to a phone. Now I don't care what kind of neighborhood you live in -- in 2009, everyone has a phone. I've seen homeless men in NYC that have no foot but they're talking on a cell phone. I could understand if the story took place in some backwoods town in the 70's or 80's, but the setting is present day. This is just one of the many aspects of the film that is so unbelievable and transparent. But somehow that doesn't take away from the film as it normally would. Laid To Rest is fun, and there is humor in the way Hall makes use of all the slasher cliches and stereotypical genre formulas.

Chromeskull finds The Girl at Tucker's house, and proceeds to jam one of his knives through Cindy's skull, twisting and turning it inside her head while slamming her against the side of the house, right in front of Tucker and The Girl. They flee the scene and decide to stop at the first house they come across, in hopes of finding a phone. At the same time a young couple pulls up at Tucker's house, after having seen Tucker & The Girl driving together earlier that evening. Turns out the man is Cindy's brother, and he suspects Tucker is cheating on his sister, and decides to drop by in the middle of the night to tell her. He catches a hunting knife through the head in a very unexpected, gore filled moment where Hall's make-up experience really makes the grade. The girl meets her doom with a slice to the stomach, and tries to stop her intestines from spilling out by pushing them back inside herself. Some really awesome gore effects here!

Tucker & The Girl arrive at a house and a man named Steven answers the door (played by Sean Whalen, who looked so familiar to me that I had to pause the film and sift through all the cobwebs in my brain before finally realizing he played "Roach" in The People Under The Stairs (1991)). Of course, he doesn't have a phone, but he has the internet! Tucker suggests he send an email to the local police, asking them to send "all the cops." Again, totally ridiculous but hysterical. The Girl even comments that the killer wants to "make her dead." Wow.

What follows is an endless chase that takes place over the course of one evening, eventually climaxing at a gas station where The Girl, Tucker, Steven, and two random ravers face-off with Chromeskull. The plot elements are loosely pieced together, through use of The Girl's flashbacks and found footage from Chromeskull's camera. We learn that The Girl was a hooker, and was bashed over the head with a baseball bat and taken captive. On one of the videotapes, the funeral director tells Chromeskull to clean up his land and dispose of all the people on it that night, which exposes our killer's motive but doesn't exactly tell us why. The storyline is weak and rather unimportant -- it is obvious that Hall's goal here was to create a cool character and shed some blood to show off his talents as an effects artist. Bravo! In that case, Laid To Rest is a smashing success.

With that said, there are some really inventive death scenes and stunning use of gore effects throughout the film. Steven is killed with a glue gun, filling his head with pressure and fluids until it explodes. The local sheriff and his deputy are butchered to a bloody pulp. Chromeskull places a decapitated head in the gas station refridgerator, and loses his own head while trying to re-attach his mask using a powerful chemical (which he thought was glue) that melts his flesh and eats away at his face. The Girl finishes him off with a baseball bat to the face, which made me cringe just as much as the fire extinguisher scene in Irreversible (2002). It's kind of cheesy that the killer ends up killing himself, but the baseball bat is a nice touch!

While it might seem like this is a negative review, Laid To Rest is actually one of my favorite slasher films to come out since Friday The 13th (1980). I'm a die-hard fan of Jason, and the chrome-dipped skull mask is just as cool as the infamous hockey mask in my opinion. The film itself does very little to break new ground or reinvent genre constants, but by sticking to traditional slasher format and introducing a classy new killer, Hall has created a masterpiece. His intentions are clear, and we get exactly what we'd hoped to get -- a gory, fast-paced ride on the slasher coaster!

Check out Laid To Rest here:
http://www.laidtorestmovie.com/

They have some really great wallpapers and icons. The site design is really cool too - you have to cut a girl's throat using your mouse to enter the site!

MOVIE REVIEW #40: MARTYRS

2009-05-06T00:05:00.004-04:00

MARTYRS (2008)

WOW . . . still trying to wrap my head around this one . . .
just finished watching this, review to follow . . .

MOVIE REVIEW #39: SPLINTER

2009-04-16T23:52:00.005-04:00

SPLINTER (2009)
Directed by Toby Wilkins

"It will get under your skin . . ."

Relatively unknown director Toby Wilkins (Grudge 3, 2009) comes through with one of the most unexpected horror films of 2009. Splinter is an indie from under the Magnet umbrella. The tagline "It will get under your skin" describes the movie perfectly - this is one of the few horror films that keeps you literally on the edge of your seat for the entire ride . . . .

After a gas station attendant is attacked by a mysterious rabid animal from the woods, shedding blood while the intro credits are still rolling, the story begins in traditional horror fashion -- a young couple is on their way into the woods for a campout when they spot a hitch hiker. The hitch hiker girl looks pale and disturbed, and when the couple pulls over a man approaches the car armed with a pistol. The couple become "hostages," and we are given little info about the stranded couple other than the fact that the girl Lacey (played by Rachel Kerbs) is a junkie going through heavy withdrawals and looking for her dog, Ginger. Her boyfriend/gunman, Dennis, played by Shea Wigham, instructs the couple to drive.

Further down the road they run over something and of course, get a flat. Dennis gets a splinter when trying to remove the tire. When they investigate the pile of remains in the road, the guts begin to crawl and reach out for them. Freaked out by this, the 4 speed off after fixing the tire, only to overheat and pull over at a roadside gas station in the middle of nowhere. The gas station seems abandoned, but when Lacey tries to take a piss she finds a mutilated man (still alive) writhing around the bathroom floor asking her to kill him. His limbs contort and we hear bones snapping, a gruesome look at what is left of the station attendant from the opening credits.

The man's body leaves the bathroom and attacks our main characters, leaving Lacey in a pool of blood and then falls lifeless onto the hood of the car. The remaining 3 lock themselves inside the station, watching Lacey's body and what's left of the man from the surveillance cameras. Dennis tries to rescue Lacey, who appears to still be alive, but her body has been taken over by the parasite, her fingers and hands bloody and curling. He retreats back into the station, and we watch Lacey's body slam itself against the shop windows with heavy thuds, leaving blood splattered trails all over the glass. Body parts detach and make their way into the shop, which we later find out is because they are attracted to heat from the humans.

The 3 retreat to the back of the store looking for an escape, when a police officer arrives. Lacey's body, now fully overtaken by the parasite, jumps from the roof and pulls the cop apart in a brutal death scene outside the shop window. After some time to think, the 3 realize that the freezer is the safest place to hide. When Dennis's arm starts to contort from the splinter, we are treated to a disturbing scene where they cut off his arm with a razorknife and smash it with a cinder block to break the bone and prevent the parasite from spreading into the rest of his body. Our main character, Seth (played by Paulo Costanzo), is a biologist and concludes that the parasite is attracted to heat, which is why the cold freezer is their only hope. He decides to cover himself in ice and drop his body temp, making him practically invisible to the parasite outside so he can make a getaway to the police car out front. His girlfriend Polly (played by Jill Wagner) and Dennis distract the parasite by throwing fireworks out the back door. Eventually Seth makes it to the cop car, grabs a shotgun, rescues Polly, and the gas station gets blown to bits.

Splinter is a thrill ride from start to finish, with one of the most creative monsters I've seen in awhile. The twitchy movements of the humans taken over by the Splinter are terrifying, and we never get a full-on steady view of the twisted bodies, leaving alot to the imagination. Watching the severed body parts regenerate is a highlight of the film, and it is powerful in its simplicity, much like the below review for Eden Lake -- the setting is common and simple, and the gore effects are excellent, all done on a low budget. The entire film takes place over the course of one night trapped in the gas station. Normally I would want more variety from a film, but the plot is so intense we can easily forgive the setting. The original concept and underlying theme of helplessness make this movie standout from other "infection" films of its time.

Click link below for the Splinter website, full of really cool extras:
http://www.splinterfilm.com/Home.html

MOVIE REVIEW #38: EDEN LAKE

2009-04-12T22:29:00.005-04:00

EDEN LAKE (2008)

Our story begins with a young couple (Jenny & Steve) looking for some peace and quiet in the gated community of Eden Lake, in the middle of the woods somewhere outside London. An innocent attempt at getting some sun is quickly interrupted by a group of rowdy locals on the beach. As darkness approaches, the couple sets up camp and hears screams coming from the woods. Camera angles from inside the woods give the impression that the two are being watched. The following morning they awake to their tires slashed and their car is later stolen by the locals. They encounter the group and an altercation ensues; Steve accidentally stabbing their dog during the struggle. The gang ties Steve to a post with barbed wire in the middle of the woods and torture him -- slashing his arms, back and neck with a hunting knife while taking photos with his camera phone. The two escape, but Steve is badly injured, and the couple retreats to a nearby cabin to treat his wounds. Some great skin effects here - the knife wounds are deep and bleeding black blood.

Jenny leaves Steve hidden in safety and flees through the woods to look for help. On her way she steps on a sharp metal spike, which goes straight through her foot and she pulls it out herself - you can feel her pain when you watch this. Shortly after she is captured and tied to a post with Steve, surrounded by firewood and set ablaze by the kids, camera phone rolling. The kids are sickened by the smell of burning flesh, which gives Jenny a window to escape and Steve is left to burn. She then stumbles upon a local map of the campsites and when the kids arrive she takes cover in a dumpster full of what appears to be feces (a disturbing moment in the film - we truly feel Jenny's helplessness). One of the kids emerges from the woods and Jenny stabs him in the throat with a shard of broken glass. rocking him back and forth like a baby while he bleeds out, a truly shocking scene because we know she did not want to kill him but was taken over with rage by the death of her fiance. Darkness falls again, and the kids begin to turn on each other. Jenny escapes again to a nearby road, where she is "rescued" by the brother of one of the gang members. She steals his car and speeds off down the road, mowing down a little girl from the gang in a revenge scene reminscent of the end of Hostel. Jenny crashes the car at a local backyard party, which of course happens to be thrown by the parents & family of the gang. They quickly learn that Jenny ran over their daughter, and take matters into their own hands. We don't know what becomes of Jenny, but we can only imagine the worst.

This is one of the few horror films that does not have a happy ending -- evil wins. Shot mostly in the forest, with very little budget thrown into high priced special effects and focusing more on the terror of being hunted, the film succeeds in creating a realistic story that could happen to anyone. Unlike most horror films where an innocent weekend getaway turns into a nighmare by the hands of a serial killer, the victims in Eden Lake meet their doom by a group of children. The film is brutal and challenges us to consider if this could really have happened. The story is powerful in its simplicity, and while not scary in the least, the overwhelming emotion of being hunted/destined to fail is the real terror.

MOVIE REVIEW #37: THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT

2009-04-05T15:24:00.006-04:00

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (2009)

2009 is off to a great start for horror film fanatics - Friday the 13th, My Bloody Valentine, The Last House on the Left, etc., and now last week's release of The Haunting in Connecticut (I'm not even considering movies like The Unborn and The Uninvited, mainly because that is just not the kind of horror I care to see). At this rate 2009 is shaping up to be a good year for us . . .

I have to admit, Haunting looked really promising when I saw the trailer. Anything "based on a true story" prompts me to do some research online, find out the real story that sparked Hollywood's interest, and then see how the director works off this story. Unfortunately in this case, it is rumored that most of the "true story" just doesn't add up. It seems the only real parallel between the film and reality is that the family did in fact discover mortuary equipment in the house, which is in my opinion, a creepy enough foundation for a story. Needless to say I went into the theatre with low expectations.

I'm not going to bore you with the details around the plot mainly because it just wasn't all that interesting. A young boy (Matt) plagued with a painful cancer is relocated with his family to CT to attend a better hospital with experienced doctors there to treat his condition. He participates in a special study once there, and his father works multiple jobs to keep money coming in, taking road trips to visit the family on his off-time. The lack of a father figure is supposed to create a feeling of helplessness. There is "something strange about the house" as soon as the family visits it, and of course the rent seems oddly cheap for such an old house of its size. A strange presence is felt right away, there's a mysterious door in the basement that won't open, Matt begins having hallucinations and seeing ghosts, the rest of the family thinks it's the medicine, Matt meets a priest who knows the story behind the house, family does some research to learn the house's history, the haunting becomes stronger and begins to attack the whole family, they stay in the house (of course), the priest "cleanses" the house, then Matt saves the day by burning it down and destroying the corpses that are buried in the walls. There you go - I just saved you ten bucks . . .

The movie does very little to think outside the box - much of what you see has already been done. The influences are glaring -- think The Amityville Horror meets Poltergeist with a taste of The Exorcist, but not nearly as well-done as these three classics. There are some cool elements, such as the dead bodies engraved with letters and symbols (we never are told why) and the ectoplasm coming from the mouth of the medium during a seance scene. But the majority of the film relies on quick scares and Matt's hallucinations, and unfortunately that just doesn't dive deep enough for me. After awhile I found myself wanting to see the horror, not just in Matt's mind, but right there in the house and on the screen in front of us. A figure standing in the reflection of the mirror and a rotten corpse appearing in the room and then disappearing moments later is just not enough for me these days, but its a quick scare tactic that makes money. I have to admit, I jumped a whole bunch of times during the film, but there's so much more to the genre than that. A true horror film tells a disturbing story and leaves you with a feeling of unrest and discomfort in your own skin -- The Haunting in Connecticut is entertaining, but does very little to break new ground.

People magazine did a story with Carmen Reed, the real-life mother (played by Virginia Madsen), who describes the paranormal activity here:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20270145,00.html

SPLATTERHOUSE

2009-03-27T02:11:00.006-04:00

SPLATTERHOUSE (1988)

Originally an arcade release by Namco in 1988, this is hands down the best video game ever made. I remember being 9 years old, cashing in bottles and cans for change at Foodtown so I could go over to Nathan's for a cheeseburger and then feed quarters into Splatterhouse. Long before brutality became a hit in video games (like Mortal Combat and more recently with the Grand Theft Auto series and the controversial Manhunt), Splatterhouse laid the foundation for gory games and maintained a shelf life of over 20 years, revamped and ready for a 2009 release on the XBOX 360 and Playstation platforms . . .

The main character, Rick Taylor, dons a hockey mask like our dear friend Jason Voorhees, and his weapons of choice include a 2x4, meat cleavers, a pump shotgun, and whatever else you can get your filthy hands on. The game takes place in West Mansion (nicknamed the "Splatterhouse") where a parapsychologist, Dr. West, is rumoured to have conducted bizarre experiments. Two university students — Rick, and his girlfriend Jennifer Wills (both parapsychology majors) — visit the house for a school project, when a sudden thunderstorm causes them to seek shelter inside the mansion.

Rick is knocked unconscious and Jennifer is kidnapped, and he awakes unable to remove the mask from his face. We learn that the mask (referred to as the "Terror Head") is an ancient Mayan sacrificial mask with incredible power. You make your way through the mansion, attacked by strange looking creatures and when you smack them with the 2x4 they "splatter" against the wall, dripping into mushy puddles. The soundtrack for the game is amazing - what could possibly be better than 8-bit horror music? The levels are all creepy and disturbing - my favorite scene takes place in a room full of what looks like blubbery piles of man-eating sperms, which jump out of the corners and latch onto you like leeches. Once out of the mansion you encounter an enemy in the forest, with a potato sack on his head and chainsaws for arms, who is strikingly similar to one of the zombies in Resident Evil 5 (2009, XBox 360, another game that I've recently become addicted to and will be reviewing here at The Big Toe in a few days). In my opinion, Splatterhouse set the standard for horror video gameplay and went where no game had gone before.

The game caused a great deal of controversy when it was first released, due to the extreme violence, and when it was made for play at home on TurboGrafx 16 (which I still have and play often) it displayed a parental advisory warning. My how far we've come -- nowadays you can get a blowjob from a hooker in the backseat of a car in GTA or suffocate another player with a plastic bag in Manhunt, but 20 years ago Splatterhouse was truly ahead of it's time.

For the 2009 release, obviously the left to right scrolling will be replaced with 360 degree action, and hopefully the violence is turned up a notch with the help of today's mind-numbing graphics capabilities. Apparently Namco kept to the original storyline, except now Rick can be dismembered and use his severed limbs as weapons too! As if slicing up monsters with a meat cleaver wasn't cool enough - now you can use your own arm or leg to bash them over the head! I am counting the days until I can enter West Mansion once again . . .

Check out an AMAZING fan page for Splatterhouse here, including mp3's of the original game for download:
http://splatterhouse.classicgaming.gamespy.com/

Also check out the link below for info on the 2009 release:
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/splatterhouse/index.html

MOVIE REVIEW #36: NURSE SHERRI

2009-03-25T23:41:00.005-04:00

THE POSSESSION OF NURSE SHERRI (1978)
Directed by Al Adamson

Meet Sherri . . . for an evening of Pleasure and Terror!

Her bedside manner will keep you in stitches!

These taglines sum up the film perfectly -- picture a sexy night nurse in the late 70's, possessed by a demon, who kills without any knowledge of it. It's The Exorcist meets Carrie, with a medical degree. The film begins in the desert, where a deranged "prophet" named Reanhauer attempts to raise the dead and almost kills himself in the process. He is rushed to a nearby hospital where, during emergency surgery, he possesses the body of the lovely Nurse Sherri. Strange things begin happening in the hospital, and the doctors who operated on Reanhauer are killed off one by one. A local football star is laid up after an accident that left him blind, but he can sense the presence of an evil spirit because (of course) his grandmother was a voodoo priestess. Dr. Desmond, who is dating Nurse Sherri, notices her strange behavior and when confronting her, he is greeted by the voice of Reanhauer from within Sherri. As if this wasn't enough to convince us that Sherri is indeed possessed, Desmond refuses to get her the proper medical attention and almost meets his demise when Sherri locks him in the bathroom and emerges from behind the shower door armed with 2 bloody meat cleavers.

The highlight of the film is a hallucinogenic montage of twisted imagery that surrounds Sherri as she lays in bed and the demon takes her over. A low-budget green light special effect creeps into the room from under the door and swirls around her, depicting images of death and destruction, symbolizing the possession. The climax of the film is the bathroom scene when Sherri, in her blood spattered white nightgown, is about to murder Desmond but the spirit leaves her body at that very moment when two local nurses exhume the body of Reanhauer and burn the grave. The score of the film is great, using eerie 70's synths and strings, and although not the least bit scary, it is an entertaining piece of horror history. Nurse Sherri isn't quite up to par with one of my favorite horror films of all time (Horror Hospital), but it is still a good watch. Hospitals are just a perfect setting for horror - almost as good as a circus with killer clowns . . .

Also worth mentioning is the DVD special features, which include drive-in movie trailers and intermission snack bar advertisements that take you back to the old days when going to the movies was still fun. Instead of telling you to turn off your cell phones and not talk, the ads encourage you to purchase hot dogs, popcorn, and of course, ice cold refreshing Coca-Cola.

Check out Nurse Sherri on IMDB at:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076478/

MOVIE REVIEW #35: MIDNIGHT MOVIE

2009-02-19T23:59:00.003-05:00

MIDNIGHT MOVIE (2008)
Directed by Jack Messitt

Here we go again folks! It's the return of the "one copy on the shelf at Blockbuster" horror movie review, courtesy of The Big Toe Blog! Every time I rent one of these I can't help but think I could make a horror film. All you need is a story, and apparently it doesn't have to be a very good one. Today's technology and cameras make even the lowest budget film seem larger than life. After seeing Midnight Movie, I am convinced that I need to make a movie . . . and make it good. Then maybe I can have the coveted reward of being the only copy on the new release shelf. If the Gingerdead Man can happen (and get sequel treatment), anything is possible . . .

Anyway Midnight Movie starts off with a hospital scene massacre that reminded me of the My Bloody Valentine remake opening scene, reviewed a few weeks back in the blog. An old looney gets put in a room to watch "his film," and be observed behind glass. The doctors leave him unattended (wow, big surprise) and he starts taking huge bites of flesh out of his arms while the movie plays, eventually sending him on a killing spree.

Fast forward 5 years to a small suburban town that is playing the cult classic in a local theater. We learn that the old loon was in fact the director and star of the film, and local police think he might show up for the viewing, even though he is rumored to be dead blah blah blah (the usual back from the dead story). Enter the teeny bopper theater employees - the young girl who is in charge, the bubble gum chewing slut, and the nerdy guy who just wants to run the show for awhile. Then of course we have the grey haired detective who is hoping the killer will show up, and my favorite character - the fat biker dude who gets head from his girlfriend while watching the movie and tells all the kids to shut up. And a group of friends double dating. No real surprises here as far as the cast goes - just a bunch of lifeless goons I didn't mind seeing slaughtered.

The real surprise is just how terrible the overall concept is. Now it might have been cool if the killer showed up and trapped everyone in the theater and picked them off one by one. But no, that would be too simple. Instead, the movie they are watching becomes "real life" and they are trapped inside it. Seriously. Someone actually thought this would be a good idea. One of the most comical moments is when everyone makes a run for the front doors, but can't get out because they are "locked." I guess throwing a chair through the glass to escape would have taken too much thought. Moments like these make the film very easy to pass off as another badly planned horror movie, but also serve to remind us that the director is just trying to have a good time. I can respect that. This is also evident in the bathroom scene when one of their friends has just been murdered, and there's nothing left but a pile of brains on the floor that they proceed to kick around like a hackey sack.

The blatant plot rip-off of classic films such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is hardly acceptable. A nod to your influences is always welcomed - after all, imitation is the best form of flattery, but when our characters get a flat tire on their VW van and discover a house in the middle of nowhere, the references are all too clear. I have an idea - when the leading female character runs from the killer she should trip and fall too - now THAT would be something! It's going to take a lot more than that for this film to live up to its tagline "The new face of horror."

Regardless, I'm a sucker for films that try to introduce a new slasher icon, something rarely done anymore because the reality is your villain has some big shoes to fill. After all, you can't top Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, or Leatherface, yet filmmakers still try. Midnight Movie is leaps beyond Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, a pathetic attempt at creating a new horror icon, which I shut off after 20 minutes. At least the killer here has a cool weapon - a triangular metal knife that guts out your heart. I'm not going to spend any more time talking about this one or summing up the plot - you get the idea. All in all Midnight Movie is an entertaining film that goes good with popcorn and gets a few laughs. Check it out if you're bored and don't feel like renting Zach and Miri Make A Porno . . .

Midnight Movie website:
http://www.midnightmovie.com/

Movie Review # 34: My Bloody Valentine 3D

2009-02-04T02:27:00.007-05:00

MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (2009)

Directed by Patrick Lussier

Remakes of classic horror films have become about as common as your first piss of the morning, and most of them are just that -- piss. Rather than reinventing the slasher genre, Hollywood has recycled it. But I don't care what anyone says, the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the first remake, not the mistake known as "The Beginning") was an excellent movie. Hollywood has cashed in on the remake craze these last few years and dished out dozens of awful reworks of cherished classics, much to the dismay of die-hard horror fanatics like myself. Needless to say when trailers for My Bloody Valentine started to surface, likely the only thing that got the attention of my fellow genre buffs was the fact that it was in 3D (apparently 2009 is slated for over 40 3D releases, most of which fall into the horror category). Now all we need is someone to open a drive thru . . .

Director Patrick Lussier claimed in a recent issue of Rue Morgue that his writers "stayed true to the story" as much as possible, which should be refreshing to fans of the 1981 Canadian original. Most directors claim to do this but very few actually succeed. So the story goes, a small mining town called Harmony is in chaos over an underground killing spree in Tunnel #5, where several miners died by the hands of a psychopath named Harry Warden who is left in a coma after the incident. The film opens in a hospital one year later, when Warden awakes from his coma and one of the best bloodbaths I've seen on screen ensues (the film crew admits to applying the blood to the set using buckets). Police arrive on the scene and are greeted by severed heads and mutilated bodies, with Warden leaving behind his trademark souvenir -- a human heart in a box of Valentine chocolates. Lussier claims the hospital scene is his homage to the original, a fitting intro to his version of the script.

Ten years later, main character Tom Hanniger (played by Jensen Ackles, whose bland and unintelligent delivery painfully resembles Keanu Reeves) returns to Harmony to negotiate the sale of the mine after his father's death. Too much time is spent developing this part of the story, because the audience really doesn't care about the mine being the locals' bread & butter - we just want to see some blood. MBV3D definitely delivers in this department. Warden's weapon of choice, the pickaxe, makes for some interesting kills that are further enhanced by the 3D, especially when the audience almost gets "hit" with a flying jawbone. In one scene a girl takes a shovel to the face, splitting her head in half at the mouth. Creative use of gore is the saving grace of this film, so much so that I'm willing to overlook the awful plot and poor choice of casting.

Unfortunately the film felt very long and drawn out, but just when boredom started to set in our masked miner appears for another murder. The gore factor is the strength of the film and holds our interest throughout. Messages like "Be Mine Forever" splattered in blood on the walls keep the Valentine theme going, and what is a horror film without some good old fashioned nudity? There's a great motel scene where blonde bombshell Irene (played by Betsy Rue) chases after her trucker boyfriend completely nude, wearing nothing but heels and carrying a pistol. This movie really has it all -- blood, violence, nudity, and even a midget, making it well worth the extra $2.50 for 3D glasses at the theater. I give it 5 toes and recommend it to anyone in the mood for a non-stop gore rollercoaster.

Check out the My Bloody Valentine 3D website over at:

www.mybloodyvalentinein3d.com

Movie Review # 33: Cannibal

2009-02-04T01:02:00.007-05:00

CANNIBAL (2005)

Directed by Marian Dora

I can't help myself -- I have to see every horror movie about cannibals and clowns. Such characters can yield the most entertaining horror flicks and in some cases, the most shocking. Afterall - clowns are the scariest people on earth and cannibals - well, they eat human flesh for dinner. In brief, Cannibal is about a deranged individual who seeks his victims (or "volunteers") on the internet for sex followed by a hot meal. The entire film, based on a true story about real-life murderer Armin Meiwes, is silent (except for a handful of dialogue) which leaves interpretation up to the viewer. After meeting a few men who reject him, our main character finds a man online who actually wants to be eaten. Meiwes brings the man home and we are exposed to an abundance of man-ass and endless amounts of gay sex that I had to fast-forward through to get to the gore. When the blood finally spills, Cannibal made my skin crawl worse than the pregnant woman being gutted in the closing scene of Inside (2007). I'll try to summarize what happened without being too disgusting:

Meiwes tries to bite off the man's penis but cannot bring himself to do it. Then he takes an ordinary kitchen knife, sawing and cutting through it in a long, drawn-out realistic scene that will give any man chills down his spine. Meiwes leaves a bucket between his legs to bleed into between cries of pain and horror. Our cannibal then turns up the stove and grills the penis, feeding each other. Check, please.

The effects are so real we begin to question whether or not it is actually happening. This is perhaps every man's worst nightmare -- the film really hits us where it hurts. I was about to shut the movie off at this point and wish I did. Meiwes brings the naked man into another room, hangs him upside down by his feet, and slices his stomach open. He then reaches inside with his bare hands and removes the steaming hot intestines & guts. If that wasn't enough to make you reach for a barf bag, Meiwes smothers the innards all over his face and body while vomiting. This is where I shut it off.

Cannibal succeeds in only one area: totally grossing out the audience on a very low-budget. The lack of dialogue affects the character devlopment, but perhaps Dora did this to emphasize the underlying theme of extreme need -- both the need of Meiwes and his victim, which doesn't require dialogue to get across. The victim seems to have more control over the situation then Meiwes himself, considering the sex and cannibalism is consensual. However, if you're in the mood to witness some of the most disturbing gore effects ever seen on screen, then this is the movie for you. I would suggest keeping a barf bag close by and the TV remote if you just can't stand it . . .

Cannibal on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910548/

Moebius: Monster Scenes

2008-12-10T23:09:00.004-05:00

MOEBIUS: MONSTER SCENES MODEL KITS

Long gone model company AURORA made quite a name for themselves with these horror kits in the early 1970's, with a line that included great looking dinosaurs, classic Universal Studios monsters, and a fairly decent Godzilla and Mothra. They were THE great model company of the day. Based in West Hempstead NY, right here on Long Island, the buildings that once housed the models has since been destroyed, but the geniuses over at Dencomm & Moebius Models decided to re-release the kits for nerds like us!

The pieces, plastic and made to snap together, are reproduced to be EXACTLY like the originals (which you can still find on Ebay but they will cost you an arm and a leg - they retailed for about $1.30 when they first came out). The new re-issues go for under $30.00, with especially cool designs like Dr. Deadly and The Hanging Cage.

The tagline "Rated X for Excitement!" and the focus on scenes of torture made these kits extremely controversial for their time, when American families thought violent films were turning their kids into serial killers. Religious groups and newspapers protested against the products, claiming they promoted sex and sadism to children. As a response to the controversy, Aurora stopped production in 1971 and the products were removed from the shelves - but now, over three decades later, you too can own a piece of horror history!

Being born in 1979, I didn't get to experience the original Monster Scenes. But you can bet I have at least two of these kits on my Christmas list this year. I heard there are only about 5,000 of them made, so grab them while you can.

Visit the Moebius Models website for info on these kits, the upcoming Chamber of Horrors series, and to order the new Monster Scenes:

http://www.dencomm.net/

Movie Review # 32: The Funhouse

2008-11-30T22:26:00.005-05:00

THE FUNHOUSE (1981)

Seven years after Tobe Hooper changed the face of horror with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), he gave us a mediocre teen thriller called The Funhouse. Two young couples spend the night in a fun house at the local fair and witness a murder by a disfigured man in a Frankenstein mask. There's not too much to say about this one, but if you like carnival horror and bypass the cotton candy in search of a haunted house at the local carnvial like I do, then this one's for you. I always enjoyed spending $2 to sit in a little car and spin around in the dark for less than a minute, getting cheap scares from props and fake monsters inside the fun house. This movie plays out like one of those rides - cheap and quick with few scares. The only real interesting aspect of the film is the setting -- we really get a feel for the carnival atmosphere as we are introduced to the freak show, fortune teller, and all the other freaky sideshows that come with the territory. It's almost hard to believe that this film is by the same director was responsible for one of the most famous horror films of all time, but I guess every dog has its day. Nonetheless, The Funhouse is still an entertaining part of the 80's slasher genre, so step right up and give it a shot!

The Funhouse on IMDB:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082427/

Movie Review # 31: The Deadly Spawn

2008-10-29T22:05:00.004-04:00

THE DEADLY SPAWN (1983)

Directed by Douglas McKeown

My second selection from the Rue Morgue Top 50, The Deadly Spawn, gets right down to business, so quickly that I thought I started the movie in the middle by mistake. Before the intro credits even roll a meteor crashes in a field, letting loose deadly alien parasites that claim 2 victims within 10 minutes.

We're then taken into the early morning hours in a suburban home, where a couple awakes for the day in a terrible rainstorm. The husband goes down into the basement to find out why there is no hot water and waiting for him downstairs is - you guessed it - the deadly spawn! With very little build-up we are introduced to the monster, which looks like a gorier version of Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors (basically a huge mouth with teeth and lots of smaller sperm-like creatures surrounding it). The monster quickly consumes the husband with blood splattering all over the basement which is now flooded with water. The wife of course goes downstairs to investigate and becomes breakfast for the spawn.

Another couple awakes, presumably in another house, and goes next door to visit the now deceased couple. We never really find out how the spawn got there, and why these people are connected. But the next couple proceeds to have breakfast in the house, the electrician shows up to fix a power outage, and a young boy obsessed with monsters decides to take a peek in the cellar and meets the spawn face to face, who is eating his dead mother's decapitated head (notice the boy's Famous Monsters magazine product placement at the breakfast table). Total chaos ensues as old women at brunch are attacked by the mini-spawns who crawl into the salad bowl and then latch onto their legs.

I kind of lost interest towards the end, probably because the monsters were shown so many times that it just became comical, but there were definitely some cool gore effects when people got eaten. Eventually the survivors destroy the evil and good prevails - blah blah blah. Some cool sci-fi and horror elements here, but overall a very weak plot with few climaxes. I give it 2 toes, but apparently it's a classic, now available in special edition DVD. It really is like watching the Little Shop of Horrors as an R-rated feature.

Check out the website here:

http://www.deadlyspawn.net/

Movie Review # 30: Entrails of a Virgin

2008-10-28T23:28:00.004-04:00

ENTRAILS OF A VIRGIN (1986)

Directed by Kazuo 'Gaira' Komizu

So the latest issue of Rue Morgue has a feature on the Top 50 goriest films of all time. I added as many as I could find to my Netflix queue (excluding the ones I've already seen), and the first one to arrive at my house was Entrails of a Virgin (or Shojo no harawata in Japanese).

I was expecting a non-stop gore fest, but instead what I got was an Asian soft-core porno disguised as a horror film. A group of photographers and their naked sex slave models are doing a shoot in the mountains and get lost on the way home. They arrive at an abandoned cabin the woods. After some drinking and naked wrestling (the pile driver was my favorite move), they start having sex with each other while a mud-covered murderer with a huge penis stalks them from outside the house. One by one they are picked off, the first kill by a hammer to the face which causes the victim's eyeballs to pop out in all their low-budget glory. The plot is riddled with repeated sex scenes; most of the time the girls look like they are being raped but enjoying it. Some classic scenes like the "standing up upside-down 69 ending in a pile driver" are quite memorable. Or the shower scene when the killer gives new meaning to the sexual act of "fisting."

Entrails of a Virgin was not quite what I was expecting, but a lot of fun regardless. There are so many unexplained scenes, such as the girl making out with a beheaded corpse or more importantly, who the killer is and why he is naked and covered in mud? I'm still giving it 4 toes because it is chock full of sex and all the elements of weird Asian horror. I would have given it 5 but it just made no sense and left too many loose ends. If you're a first timer you'll definitely enjoy the film (no pun intended).

Check it out on IMDB:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0222817/

Movie Review # 29: The Last House in the Woods

2008-10-23T00:54:00.005-04:00

THE LAST HOUSE IN THE WOODS (2008)

Directed by Gabriele Albanesi

When I heard that Sam Raimi's Ghost House partnership with Mandate Pictures was finally coming to a head back in 2004 (with the remake of The Grudge), I was excited for a slew of inventive horror films to hit the shelves over the next few years. It took awhile for the project to get off the ground however, and after a few letdowns (The Grudge 2, The Messengers, Boogeyman) we were finally blessed with 30 Days of Night and now, a line of films under the umbrella of Ghost House Underground.

The first pick for me was The Last House in the Woods. The story begins with a couple who has a car accident with their young boy in the back seat, and the husband is killed. The mother exits the car and is killed by a passer-by on the road, who bashes her head in with a stone. The boy witnesses the murder, and flees to a nearby house in the woods.

We are then introduced to a young couple who goes for a drive and a little sexy time off the side of the road. They encounter a trio of bullies who beat the shit out of the guy and attempt to rape the girl. A couple pulls over to help, and scares the 3 men away at gunpoint, taking the couple back to their house for refuge. What appears to be an act of kindness quickly turns into a nightmare. The couple has a son in serious need of a dental visit, and our lead female Aurora (played by Daniela Virgilio) tries to escape the grasp of the husband, Antonio (played by Gennaro Diana) when he produces a syringe. She wakes up in the living room, now covered in plastic, with her boyfriend Rino (Daniele Grassetti) at her side. Both of them are tied up, and we notice that Rino's leg has been hacked off, which the son is feasting on at the dinner table alongside his 2 deformed brothers, one of which has a huge pulsating growth on his neck. A gruesome dinner scene that pays homage to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, we are given some great gore effects here, especially when one of the brothers revs up a chainsaw and mutilates Rino's arm, splattering Aurora with dark thick blood.

The bullies end up at the house by coincidence after hearing the screams, with a plan to "fuck the girls and steal all the DVD players." The English dubs are absolutely terrible throughout the entire film, which gives it a B-movie feel. The lighting effects are well-done, creating eerie illuminations on the faces of the family. The bullies go head to head against the family, and one of my favorite scenes is when one of the bullies squeezes the brother's growth until it squirts bright yellow goo all over his face. One of the bullies is opened up with a chainsaw, his intestines spilling out with great attention to detail in the effects department.

The story line is rather weak, and we are given little insight into why the family has gone mad. Towards the end of the film it all goes haywire, when we discover the young boy from the opening car crash scene is locked in the basement, propped up on a pedestal with no arms or legs. We learn that the other son is a cannibal, feeding off the victims his mother and father kill as an act of love.

All in all the movie is fun, gory, and moves at a steady pace. Hopefully the rest of the Ghost House Underground films are this fun. I give The Last House in the Woods 4 toes.

Check out Ghost House Pictures here:

http://www.ghosthousepictures.com/ghost-house-underground/lionsgate-home-video/the-last-house-in-the-woods/

Movie Review # 28: The Strangers

2008-10-21T22:30:00.006-04:00

THE STRANGERS (2008)

Written & Directed by Bryan Bertino

Movies that are "inspired by true events" are usually major disappointments that lure in viewers by making them feel like what they are seeing actually happened - with that said, The Strangers falls right in line with such hoaxes. The intro narration sounds eerily similar to the opening voice of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), which ran a few chills down my spine and made me think I might actually be proven wrong about the film being a flop. But the movie moves at the pace of a 90 year old turtle on vicodin. In other words - really fucking slow.

It starts off with some potential, however, when a couple on the fritz end up alone in a house in the middle of the woods. There is a loud knock at the door from a mysterious woman in the middle of the night, right when the panties come off and the couple are about to get freaky (shame they couldn't get a few pumps in before they get murdered). There is one particular scene in which the lead female role of Kristen (played by Liv Tyler) is standing in the kitchen with a masked man in the background watching her. She feels his presence, but he slips back into the shadows before she spots him. The Strangers have entered the house, and it's all downhill from here.

The terror peaks about 20 minutes into the film but never achieves that same level of fear throughout. After awhile the knocks and sound effects no longer frighten, but are instead kind of boring. Most of the film you're waiting for something to happen, but it never actually does. The intent was obviously to build up suspense rather than use gore & horror to terrify, but a lack of character development makes the film just plain dull. Even when a friend arrives and almost saves the couple we hardly feel any real connection with his character, even when his face gets blown off by a shotgun. For example, Inside (2007, reviewed a few months back in The Big Toe Blog) does an outstanding job of leaving you on the edge of your seat while each of the potential rescuers are picked off by the killer, just as they are about to save our female lead. Part of the fun of a horror film is hoping the good guys will triumph, but in this case you want the main characters to be killed, because they were stupid enough to stay in the house in the first place.

However, I would always rather watch a weak horror film than any other genre, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. I will often times dissect a bad movie looking for a few good moments, and with The Strangers I only found one: when the killers break into the house and cause the turntable to skip, a sound effect that creates a spooky repetition and was the highlight of the trailer. The Strangers gets 2 toes and gives masked killers with potato sacks on their heads a bad rep. Even the kid with bag mask in The Orphanage was creepier.

If you still want to see this check it out on IMDB:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482606/

Movie Review #27: Quarantine

2008-10-19T00:11:00.009-04:00

QUARANTINE (2008)

Directed by John Erick Dowdle

Hand-held camera horror was all the hype after Blair Witch Project. Cloverfield came through for horror fans like a first-hand 9-11 themed Godzilla film. Even the legendary George Romero gave it a go with Diary of the Dead. But no film has done it quite like Quarantine. I've been trying to get my hands on the original (REC) but haven't had much luck. So we'll start with the American remake . . .

The film starts off very slow, with Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter's sister on the hit Showtime series) playing the role of a news reporter shadowing a team of Los Angeles firemen for the evening. The beginning is playful and innocent, until an emergency call comes in and the men respond. Upon arrival at an apartment building, the firemen with cameraman in tow knock on the door of an old female resident. Once inside, she is found trembling in a nightgown covered in blood. She then attacks one of the fireman and madness ensues. Residents are found throughout the building pale and drooling, feeding off the other residents. The victims are hunted down one by one throughout the film, which is mostly presented in long shots and lots of shaky camera work that literally leave you on the edge of your seat the entire film.

The film succeeds in a number of ways by making you feel like you are there in the building. The terror is very real, the darkness consumes the characters and creates a feeling of unrest without any sound effects or ominous musical tones. The horror comes from the unknown - what could possibly be lurking around each corner or behind the door of one of the apartments. The most terrifying aspect of the film is that help is right outside, with helicopter lights circling the perimeter and shining through the windows. The police seal off the area and claim that all the residents have been evacuated, leaving the unaffected to fight for their lives amongst the infected.

A fresh take in the zombie horror category, Quarantine stands out as one of the best horror films of 2008. I'm sure REC is twice as good, but this film has restored my faith in remakes. There's nothing better than a horror film without a happy ending. Just go to the theater and see for yourself. 5 toes all around from the Big Toe Blog!

Visit the film's website at:

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/quarantine/

Movie Review #26: The Gate

2008-10-01T22:40:00.005-04:00

THE GATE (1987)

Directed by Tibor Takács

Finding The Gate on Ebay for under $50.00 wasn't easy. After a few weeks of bidding on the DVD, I finally secured a purchase for $25.00, which isn't bad considering the film was discontinued and extremely rare. I finally settled in to watch the film with my girlfriend, who was terrified of the movie as a child. But there is nothing scary about the film in 2008 - as a matter of fact the monsters are hysterical, like mini-Godzillas that multipy.

Of course the parents take off on a 3 day vacation, leaving the kids to fend for themselves against the powers of evil. Stephen Dorff (playing the lead role of Glen) unleashes demons from Hell through a portal in his backyard, by way of a hole left by an uprooted tree that once held their tree house. The boys find several stones with glowing crystals near the hole, which turn out to be the least of their worries once the pint-sized demons are loose. When the family dog dies and a friend buries him in the hole, the demons have the sacrifice they need and the gate is opened. Glen's best friend Terry (played by Louis Tripp) discovers the secrets of The Gate while listening to a heavy metal album, in which the rituals are explained when the record is played backwards. You gotta love the 80's - we blamed everything on heavy metal music.

The only scary moment of the film is when a decayed corpse breaks out of the living room wall, the first human sacrifice for The Gate. The corpse drags Terry inside the walls and Glen & his sister knock out the zombie, who then smashes into a dozen little demons when he hits the floor - a pretty cool visual effect even for 1987. All in all the film is a fun watch to reminsice about the 1980's and you will definitely get a laugh out of the demons who are obviously actors in bad alien masks. I give The Gate 3 toes and recommend digging for it (no pun intended). You won't even find it on Netflix, so Ebay is your best bet.

The Gate on IMDB:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093075/

TV Review #1: True Blood

2008-09-21T22:07:00.009-04:00

TRUE BLOOD (2008)

I never watch television. I'm content with watching nothing but horror films on DVD and taking advantage of my unlimited Netflix capabilities. But every so often a show airs that makes me suck up (no pun intended) the $9.95 a month and order HBO or Showtime On Demand. Of course I cancel it after the season because I'm broke. I was never a huge fan of Sopranos. For me it all started with Six Feet Under. I watched the show religiously and finally understood what people mean when they say they feel like they know the characters personally.

The next show to grab my attention was Dexter, which also featured Michael C. Hall from Six Feet Under, blood-spatter analyst for the Miami Metro PD by day, neat & clean serial killer by night. Season 3 starts soon and that will complete my week with 2 riveting TV series.

The other show that has claimed one hour of my life at 9pm every Sunday is True Blood, from the creators of Six Feet Under - an HBO series that is only 3 episodes deep. I am absolutely hooked on this show. Any mainstream drama that has the nerve to show this much blood, sex, violence (and of course vampires), gets The Big Toe Blog's stamp of approval.

The season kicks off by introducing us to a synthetic Japanese beverage called "Tru Blood," sold in stores down in Louisiana, in a present-day world where vampires not only live among Americans but feed off them in the town of Bon Temps. Religious and government officials have sided with the vampires, and our lead character Sookie Stackhouse takes a similar interest in one Bill Compton who lives up the street. She also has the special gift to read people's minds, but cannot read vampires. This sets the stage for a dark romance between Bill & Sookie that is surrounded by sex & murder, keeping you on the edge of your seat each episode. This is no Buffy - the show is well-written, action-packed, and makes real observations about our current world we live in, difficulties in life and love, and of course . . . death.

True Blood airs every Sunday night at 9:00pm EST on HBO.

www.hbo.com/trueblood

Album Review #1: Eaten Back to Life

2008-09-15T00:49:00.007-04:00

CANNIBAL CORPSE - EATEN BACK TO LIFE (1990)

Metal Blade Records

The gore metal album that started it all for me. I remember being 11 years old and shopping with my Mom at the local outdoor flea market, gravitating toward the music stand where I could browse through the latest cassettes. I pulled Eaten Back to Life from the bin because the cover art caught my eye (which I would discover in later life was by the brilliant horror artist Vince Locke). The guy at the stand was hesitant to sell me the tape and told me the album probably "wasn't for me," but I had to have it. My Mom gave me enough money for two cassettes, and I left that day with NIN Pretty Hate Machine (1989) and of course, Eaten Back to Life.

Unitl then I had bands like Motley Crue and Poison on heavy rotation. The closest I got to horror music was Michael Jackson's Thriller. Cannibal Corpse was unlike anything I had ever heard - they had everything a kid could want - heavy double bass petals, speed metal riffs, muddy bass, and a decomposing zombie ripping out his organs in a cemetery on the front cover. I remember sitting in my room with my headphones on (I was afraid my Mom would hear) and reading along to the lyrics of Shredded Humans, the opening track, about a family mutilated in a car crash and their guts spread out across the highway. The band had an uncanny ability to paint a gruesome and violent picture through sound, transmitted by the gutteral vocals of Chris Barnes. The lyrics read like a horror story. Take this excerpt from Edible Autopsy for example:

Guts and blood, bones are broken. As they eat your pancreas. Human liver, for their dinner. Or maybe soup with eyes. Cause of death, still unknown. Gnawing meat, from your bones. Bone saw binding in your skull. Brains are oozing a human stump. Needles injected, through your eyes. Puiling off flesh, skinned alive.

Too young to rent R-rated horror films on my own, I relied on bands like Cannibal Corpse and my daily dose of Tales From The Crypt comics for my horror fix. After that day I spent a good bit of my life searching for the heaviest, most brutal music I could get my hands on. I later discovered death metal bands like Carcass and Death (Heartwork and Scream Bloody Gore still hold a special place in my heart) and thrash/grindcore bands like Napalm Death. While Cannibal Corpse drew its influences from death metal bands of the 80's, no band could top their disturbing and gory cover art. They took extreme music to the extreme, and continued to push the envelope with every release. Butchered at Birth showed two zombies chopping up babies on a butcher's block, with the carcasses of children hanging behind them on meat hooks. Tomb of the Mutilated showed a male zombie performing oral sex on a gutted woman. These images will be forever scarred in my memory.

The band changed singers in 1995 after releasing a few albums, bringing George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher on board to replace Barnes. Even after changing their front man, the band's popularity was unaffected and they gained a loyal cult following over the years, releasing 10 studio albums and changing the face of American death metal forever. They continue to tour and have remained true to their horror roots. Check out the band's website at:

www.cannibalcorpse.net

Movie Review #25: Sleepaway Camp

2008-09-08T22:37:00.004-04:00

SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983)

Directed by Robert Hiltzik

When slasher films were in their prime in the 80's, Hiltzik brought us Sleepaway Camp, a movie that many horror fans still claim has one of the most shocking endings. Our main character, Angela Baker, supposedly loses her father and brother in a boating accident and is forced to live with her deranged Aunt. After attending Camp Arawack one summer with her cousin Ricky, people start to die in the most bizarre ways (my personal favorite is when the pedophile cook falls into a vat of boiling hot water after trying to molest Angela).

I just can't seem to get enough of horror movies that take place at camp. Friday the 13th is definitely one of the most fun. All these camp horror films seem to share alot of the same elements that never get old for me - teenagers doing drugs, skinny dipping, playing pranks on each other, walking in the woods at night, etc. And the directors seem to be in some sort of competition to create the most creative kills, which keeps us all coming back for more.

Speaking of coming back for more, Sleepaway Camp saw several sequels, none of which I liked very much but the Survival Kit (which includes all 3 films with some great packaging) is definitely a cool addition to your collection. In the first film, Angela is last seen on the beach completely nude, dick and balls out in all their glory, holding the decapitated head of her camp crush. Thats right, Angela is really a boy. Sorry to spoil the movie but if you're reading this blog chances are you've seen the film already. And if you haven't you can't really call yourself a horror fan anyway! Matter of fact, as a friend of mine pointed out the other night when we watched this one again, there is entirely too much cock in this film. All the male counselors are wearing really tight shorts rockin non-stop bulge for the full film. In light of all the packages, I still give 4 toes for this one.

Rumor has it a new Sleepaway Camp is slated for a Fall 2008 release, titled Return to Sleepaway Camp. Check it out on Amazon for pre-order here:

http://www.amazon.com/Return-Sleepaway-Camp-Isaac-Hayes/dp/B001CT876C/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1220928759&sr=8-3

Movie Review #24: Cannibal Campout

2008-09-08T22:20:00.006-04:00

CANNIBAL CAMPOUT (1988)

Directed by Jon McBride

Cannibal Campout is everything a low-budget 80's horror film should be. Four friends camping in the New Jersey woods are interrupted by three insane bloodthirsty mountain men. There are about a million hints that the group shouldn't be camping in the woods, but of course they don't heed a single warning, not even when they are attacked on the road by two of the men before even arriving at the campsite. With barely any camping supplies, the group set up shop in the woods and soon become lunch for the local cannibals. A ridiculously simple concept, chock full of some of the worst acting you've ever seen, with some great gore effects thrown in for good measure, and you have yourself a recipe for a classic. All the gore is drawn out and shot in one long take, so we get to watch the men feast on the campers and crack terrible jokes the whole time. There's nothing scary about the killers - one of them wears a motorcycle helmet. Ohhhhhh scaaarrryyy . . .

The film was shot on weekends when the actors' schedules would permit, with zero budget. This is what makes the movie so great - it proves that anyone with enough will-power can make a movie, especially horror. From Camp Motion Pictures, the same crazy production company that brought us such classics as Video Violence and Zombie Bloodbath, we are treated to cult 80's horror at its best. Highly recommended and I give this film 3 toes (the acting is so bad I had to take off 2 toes). Sorry such a short review but there isn't much to say here - kids go camping, kids get eaten.

Check out Camp Motion Pictures: http://campmotionpictures.com/

Movie Review #23: Schizo

2008-09-01T23:08:00.007-04:00

SCHIZO (1970)
Directed by Pete Walker

A famous ice skater named Samantha (played by Lynne Frederick) announces her upcoming wedding in the local paper, sparking the interest of one William Haskins (her late-mother's ex-lover), who travels to London to stalk her. After shacking up in a local Welfare Hostel he begins leaving frightening clues to reveal his presence and stir violent memories of her past (namely flashbacks of a naked woman being brutally stabbed). At her wedding ceremony a bloody machete turns up when its time to cut the cake, but no one believes Samantha's suspicions of the madman until bodies start turning up - her pyschiatrist, her housekeeper's daughter to name a few. Samantha is accused of being neurotic and delusional by everyone including her husband, but even with all the unanswered mysteries it all seems to make sense in her favor.

Director Pete Walker does an excellent job of blurring the lines between reality and hallucination, leading us to believe that Haskins is the killer all along, until the final confrontation with Sam, a bloody climax that blends the past with the present to reveal her as the real murderer (the fitting tag line for the film pokes fun at schizophrenia: "when the left hand doesn't know who the right hand is killing"). Her spilt personality causes her to conveniently forget the murders, creating an un-likely villain who we can't help but sympathize with, even after we discover that as a child she stabbed her own mother to death and Haskins did time for the crime.

Schizo is a classic psychological thriller, and falls right in line with one of my favorite British horror films of all time - Horror Hospital (1973). I give it 4 toes.

Schizo at IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076670/

Pigeons from Hell #2-4

2008-08-26T23:00:00.006-04:00

PIGEONS FROM HELL #2, 3, 4

Dark Horse Comics

When I first covered Pigeons from Hell #1 in this blog, we left off with a pile of dead pigeons and a group of friends who stumble upon the Blassenville Mansion's strange power. Little is revealed in that first issue, but the following comics tell the gruesome tale of a long-standing curse that resides within the house, and a violent history of slavery and murder.

After several of our characters are killed and become zombies, a local lawman on horseback meets the kids to help get to the bottom of it. We soon discover the grounds are haunted by souls of deceased slaves, shape-shifting shadow creatures that are unable to actually harm the humans but are condemned to the land forever. The sheriff brings the 2 surviving Blassenville sisters (Claire and Janet) to an old man named Alcebee who resides in the same swamp - he is over 100 years old and has the knowledge they seek. He grew up as a slave to the Blassenville family and is now trapped in his home, within a circle of safety that the spirits cannot penetrate.

Alcebee explains that the spirit is actually the soul of a Blassenville daughter, who drowned an illegitimate slave child and haunts the house ever since. Her heart, removed from her body by a voodoo curse, is the source of the house's strength. In order to put an end to the chaos the sisters must first stun the spirit by revealing it's reflection in Alcebee's mirror, and then destroying the heart. The souls of the slaves will then be free.

This modern adaptation of the Robert E. Howard classic is perfectly executed by Joe Lansdale (writer) and Nathan Fox (illustration). The two are a dynamic duo - Lansdale often leaves out text alltogether, allowing Fox's art to tell the story. Fox's choppy but sharp drawings have an edginess that makes the gore and violence come to life before our eyes, leaving alot up to the imagination and in turn creating one of the most exciting horror comics of the new milennium. I can only hope that this short 4-comic mini-series be made into a feature film. Until then, make sure you grab all 4 chilling issues and enter the Blassenville Mansion if you dare. Thanks again, Dark Horse!

Purchase Pigeons from Hell at the Dark Horse website:

www.darkhorse.com

Movie Review #22: Zombie Town

2008-08-25T22:02:00.008-04:00

ZOMBIE TOWN (2007)

Directed by Damon Lemay

There are two things that I will never get sick of in horror films, past and present: hillbillies and zombies. Zombie Town has both, with zombie hillbillies to boot! Before the opening credits even roll we have a body count of 4 and some cool cannibal gore effects. Heavy metal music quickly breaks into a knee-slappin country soundtrack; throw in some terrible acting, a backwoods town infected by parasites, and you have yourself the typical recipe for an an all-out amateur gorefest.

Two brothers, Jake & Denton, are struggling to maintain business at the local mechanic garage. While responding to a breakdown call, they bump into Jake's redhead ex (Alex) who is conducting water testing for the town and coincidentally fails to notice a decaying corpse floating in the lake. The call then leads them to a run-down house in the woods; Denton is immediately attacked and of course Jake leaves his brother on site to go get help. Denton soon becomes a zombie and the local sheriff makes the brilliant decision to let him rot behind bars.

The real fun begins when slimy parasites crawl out of Denton's body, infest the police station and make their way into the sheriff's toilet. The sheriff takes his last shit and then rises from the dead (later on we spot him limping through town with his pants still down around his ankles haha). Alex and Jake arrive at the jail and quickly bottle up a parasite to sample in the lab, later discovering that salt kills the parasites.

Alex is quite the scientist, and concludes that the parasites are injecting fluids into the spine of its victims, causing violent zombie-like behavior. The entire town becomes zombies, hence the name, and our characters take it upon themselves to blast and sprinkle their way through the streets using shotguns and bags of salt, picking zombies off one by one in classic Dawn of the Dead fashion. The best scene of the film is when an old bag named Ms. Mahoney turns into a zombie at the local Bingo hall and eats the winner. Randy and Jake show up with a shotgun and declare the scene is "like a god damn grandma massacre in here!" Pure genius. I give this movie 4 toes - total entertainment from start to finish!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496444/

Movie Review #21: Wizard of Gore (re-make)

2008-08-20T23:32:00.004-04:00

WIZARD OF GORE (2007)

The horror re-makes of the past few years have been, for lack of a better word, boring. Granted almost everything in horror has been done, so any new film is indirectly paying homage to some horror film of the past whether it claims to or not. Seriously though - how many different ways can you kill someone? How many times can the victim fall down while running away? Is it possible that the genre itself has finally become oversaturated with cliches and cookie cutter plot development? Well just when you thought modern American horror was doomed, in steps The Wizard of Gore.

Attempting to re-create a film by the gore master Herschell Gordon Lewis is indeed a tricky task. But in this case, director Jeremy Kasten does the original film (1970) justice by not only keeping the gore intact but re-working the story into a modern hallucinogenic terror experience. Set in present day Los Angeles, a writer named Edmund Bigelow (played by Kip Pardue) and his girlfriend (Bijou Phillips) frequent a local magic show. The magician, Montag The Magnificent, is played astonishingly well here by Crispin Glover (Willard, 2003), who has come a long way since Marty McFly in Back to the Future (1985). The Suicide Girls make several appearances and are, of course, completely naked. Hand-picked by Montag from the audience, the girls are slain on stage behind a sheet of smoky glass, sending the audience into a frenzy only to be shocked that the girls leave the stage without a scratch. The real terror begins when the same girls start turning up dead after the show with the same wounds.

Edmund is determined to reveal Montag as the murderer, but the viewer is mislead by various hallucinations in which Edmund himself appears to be the killer. A mind-control drug referred to as tetrodotoxin (found in puffer fish) is used by Montag on the audience and show participants to create his gory illusion - as a result the viewer loses all sense of reality, allowing Kasten to really let loose his vision. This is not the kind of film you can watch once and understand - a second or third viewing is advised. The plot is all over the place, and the action is very confusing. One thing is certain - Kasten used the original film as a foundation, but creates something brand new and surprisingly original. I give The Wizard of Gore 5 toes - this is one of the best horror films I have seen this year. It just came out straight to DVD on Tuesday so go pick up a copy immediately.

http://www.wizardofgorethemovie.com/

Movie Review #20: Hell's Ground

2008-08-11T22:03:00.005-04:00

HELL'S GROUND (2007)

The American title for the Pakistani slasher "Zibahkhana," directed by Omar Khan, borrows its plot structure from American horror films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but succeeds in creating its own unique niche in international horror cinema - quite an achievement from a country who hasn't produced a scary title since the 1970's.

Your typical crew of victims, 5 young Pakistani teens with conflicting personalities, sneak out to attend a rock concert but, of course, never actually make it there. They pile into a rented van and drive out to the forest, taking a shortcut and running into mutated zombies along the way. After a visit to the local medicine man, who warns them that they are on Hell's Ground, one of the teens eats a deadly dose of hallucinogens and they are picked off one by one by a burqa-clad killer waving a spiked ball and chain. As if there weren't enough blatant Western horror cliches staring us in the face, the main characters just never seem to learn in the horror genre, even in Pakistan - the killer never dies after the first try. Our lead female nearly escapes after smacking the killer with a barbed wire stick. She then does what any determined woman would - returns to the body and plunges a stake through his chest dozens of times and leaves spattered with blood, only to run into her friend-turned-zombie for a climactic finish that leaves plenty of room for a sequel. I say bring it on!

Khan seems torn between shooting a zombie movie and a slasher, developing a back story that goes nowhere about people who mutate and feast on blood after being poisoned by the local water supply. The picture quality is terrible, which adds to the feel of the film, but the gore and effects are great. I give this film 4 toes - a fresh take on a genre that has become so repetitive and predictable. And the Bollywood soundtrack makes for a belly dancing good time as well . . .

http://www.zibahkhana.com/

Movie Review #19: The Monster Squad

2008-07-21T22:28:00.005-04:00

THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987 / 2007)

The release of Monster Squad to DVD in 2007 was a treat for 80's horror fans worldwide. Utilizing friendly versions of the Universal Monsters, director Fred Dekker created a timeless comedic horror adventure similar to its predecessor the Goonies in 1985, but with a few more ghouls thrown in for good measure. Seeing the film on the shelf brought back memories, and made me want to start my own Monster Club all over again. Besides, what could be more rewarding than sitting up in your treehouse, spying on the girl next door while she removes her top, and discussing various methods of killing a werewolf?

When Dracula returns to present-day society to possess Van Helsings diary & amulet so evil can rule the world, it's up to a group of local teenage monster fans to stop him. Alongside his grisly gang of our favorite monster faces, including the Mummy, Creature, Werewolf, and of course, Frankenstein, we are treated to a family film with absolutely no gore and plenty of kiddie fun. Hardly a horror movie by any stretch, Monster Squad is mentioned here solely for its nostalgic value - a movie like this would never make money in 2008. But for its time it was a pre-pubescent thrill-ride and watching it again almost 20 years later, I was reminded of how fun horror could be in the 80's. Grab a copy and keep the memory alive!

TALES OF TERROR

2008-07-08T23:05:00.006-04:00

TALES OF TERROR (Eclipse Comics, 1985 - 1987)

Eclipse Comics was an American comic book publisher in the 1980's responsible for a series called Tales of Terror (in the same vein as Pacific Comic's Twisted Tales that ran from 1982-84). Eclipse released the final 2 issues of Twisted Tales when Pacific went bankrupt, and also published one of the first ever graphic novels. Some of my favorite writers like Bruce Jones contributed stories to both, and the brilliantly gory cover art is definitely worth checking out. Tales of Terror are extremely hard to find, and unlike the EC comics, were never re-printed. However, I got lucky on Ebay last week and scooped up all 13 issues in perfect condition!

Check out the Comic Databse below for all titles:

http://comicbookdb.com/title.php?ID=8420

Eerie Publications

2008-06-30T00:56:00.006-04:00

EERIE PUBLICATIONS (1970's)

Eerie Publications (no relation to Eerie magazine, by Harris Publications, Inc) printed a series of horror magazines in the late 1960's and 70's with titles such as "Terror Tales," "Tales of Voodoo," and my personal favorite, "Weird." The cover art was nothing short of amazing, and the stories inside reinforced the ghastly scenes depicted on each front in chilling black & white, or, as the authors claimed: "chilling picto-fiction." These are some of the best works of horror art ever set to print. Fun fact: artist and illustrator Dick Ayers, major contributor to Eerie Pubs and creator of the classic story "The Dead Demons," also inked the first 20 issues of Marvel's "Fantastic Four!"

The Claw website has an awesome archive of all the Eerie Publications covers. Check them out here: http://www.empire-of-the-claw.com/Eeriepubs_html/covers.htm

Inside: Movie Review #18

2008-06-02T01:33:00.006-04:00

INSIDE (2007)

Ever since I saw Session 9 for the first time back in the Fall, I have been waiting for another film to creep up and disturb me the way that did. I want a movie to make me feel uneasy even in the comfort of my own home. That is power; that is good cinema.

After reading the Rue Morgue cover story about the film, I stored the title in the “movies-to-see” side of my brain and went about my day. During a weekend getaway to an old-fashioned bed & breakfast in Bristol, CT this past weekend, my girlfriend and I decided to cozy up in our huge king sized bed surrounded by furniture from the early 1900’s and portraits that seemed to follow you, to watch a scary movie. We grabbed the only copy of Inside from Blockbuster and got into our PJ's.

I have always admired a director who “goes there,” touching on taboo topics and challenging the viewer to explore darker areas of their psyche. Inside is a perfect example – no American horror director dares touch the main topic of this film: terrorizing a pregnant woman. French Writer and director Alexandre Bustillo definitely “goes there.”

A pregnant woman named Sarah from a car crash in the opening scene is later visited by a stranger on Christmas Eve, who comes to the door asking for help and apparently knows more about Sarah than we think. Known to the viewer only as La Femme, she starts the nightmare by breaking in and watching Sarah sleep, slithering on and off the screen, outlined in silhouettes, and clad in a long black gown with long black hair. With the exception of a few films (most notably the first Friday the 13th where Mrs. Voorhees does all the killing in honor of her son Jason), Americans have become accustomed to male killers. La Femme is a refreshing break from the norm and a perfect villain – dark, manic, and determined to get her revenge.

95% of the film takes place in Sarah’s home, which by the end of the film is completely splattered with blood. One by one, Sarah’s potential rescuers are murdered by La Femme, starting with the victim’s mother. The suspense of the film revolves around the fact that at any point in the film, our main character could go into labor. La Femme hunts her down in every room of the house, armed with a pair of scissors to cut the baby from her womb. The film is an 83 minute bloodbath that leaves you with a haunting final image that no American director would dare conclude a film with. We are left to feel just as helpless as Sarah, a feeling which transcends the screen and creates a real human sense of unrest and fear.

Gory, disturbing, and down-right revolutionary in its subject matter and imagery, Inside is probably one of the most deranged films I have ever seen. 5 toes for sure and should be #1 on your hit-list if you haven’t seen it already.

EERIE Comics

2008-05-22T23:45:00.007-04:00

EERIE COMICS (1966 - 1983)

Eerie was a magazine of horror comics introduced in 1966 by Warren Publishing. Stories were introduced by the host character, Cousin Eerie (who was drawn by Tales From The Crypt artist Jack Davis) and its sister publications were Creepy and Vampirella. The cover art stood out from other horror comics because of its great detail, fusing elements of horror and sci-fi over the course of the comic's 17 year lifespan.

The first issue in 1966 was black & white and produced over-night, hitting newsstands in limited numbers at only 35 cents a copy (color stories would not appear until 1974). Contrary to rumor, the comic was created not to rival Creepy, but rather to be its adversary. Unlike other comics of the time, Eerie was driven by reoccurring series, rather than a collection of short stories. The series went on to publish 139 issues, finally calling it quits in 1983 when Warren Publishing filed for bankruptcy. Art from the Eerie comics, inspired by EC's Tales From The Crypt comics printed in the 1950's, is some of my favorite horror work of all time, as it laid the foundation for all other horror publications to come.

Check out Eerie covers #1-31 here.

Horror Hospital: Movie Review #17

2008-05-22T01:31:00.005-04:00

HORROR HOSPITAL (1973)

Brittlehouse Manor is more than just a health resort for young people - it is the laboratory of the deranged Doctor Storm, whose experiments in brain surgery create an army of household zombie slaves. Unsuspecting visitors arrive at the Manor through the recommendation of a travel agent, and they soon fall victim to Storm's scalpel. Played by Michael Gough (The Legend of Hell House 1973; more recently, Corpse Bride, 2005) the Doctor drives around with his sidekick, a midget named Frederick, decapitating escapees with a long blade that extends from the driver's side of his car and catches the head in a potato sack. No more needs to be said - watch this movie immediately. I give Horror Hospital 5 toes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070190/

Drive Thru: Movie Review #16

2008-05-19T21:57:00.009-04:00

DRIVE THRU (2007)

Hungry for a killer meal? Drive Thru is another roller coaster of a killer clown movie and one of my personal faves since Killer Klownz From Outer Space. The film opens in Orange County CA with a crew of white wanna-be gangsters craving HellaBurger, and when they roll up to a dark drive thru joint that resembles Jack in the Box, all "hell" literally breaks loose. Our villain Horny The Clown appears within the first 3 minutes with very little buildup or suspense, fully decked out in a Hot Topic evil clown get-up to wreak havoc on the hip-hoppers, killing all of them before the credits even roll (notable here is the "face in the deep frier" kill scene).

The lead role of Mackenzie Carpenter (played by Leighton Meester, your typical 20 year old playing 17, who later strips down to her black underwear and made me feel like a pedophile for smiling) kicks off the film by turning down her boyfriend who wants sex, claiming that she'll be "18 next week." Classic! At a rockin high-school house party, Mackenzie and a bunch of kids play with a Ouija board, asking what will happen to their boring lives. After receiving a creepy message from the board that tells the license plate of the now-dead white boys, they are later haunted by even creepier messages from a magic 8-ball, of all things!

Mackenzie then works late in the yearbook office and hangs with Lenny the Janitor (the best character in the film) who claims he has to "pull a brown gator thats cloggin up the staff shitter." After an uncomfortable encounter with Lenny she develops her film, revealing images of Horny committing the previous murders. She is chased down by the clown and ends up in the school gym, where Horny blows up her girlfriend's head in a microwave. The kill scenes are great in this film and Wikipedia did a great job of outlining them for us:

Tony - face burned by Deep Fryer
Brandon Meeks - slashed in the stomach off-screen
Brittany - axed in the head
Tiffa - killed off-screen
Val - face placed in microwave and head explodes
Lenny - hanged from the bathroom ceiling
Chad Baldwin - head decapitated
Tina McCandless - slashed numerous of time off-screen
Spany - axed in the head
Chuck Taylor - head bashed by an axe
Starfire - hand and head decapitation
Van - sliced in half by a machete
Detective Crockers - axed through the windshield of his car

The Town of Blanca Carne is soon under siege by Horny, who drops a series of terrible one-liners over noisy death metal before wielding his obviously rubber hatchet. Mackenzie's Mom is the genius that puts two and two together - remembering how her and her friends killed Archie Benjamin, the face of HellaBurger, when they were young. Archie, now resurrected as Horny, seeks revenge on the children of these guilty parents. Wow, how original . . .

The movie makes up for its awful acting and poor plot with some great humor - after discovering that Horny The Clown is really a killer, the kids claim "it's like finding out Captain Kangaroo's got pieces of Mr. Green Jeans in his freezer." And I love the TV commercials from HellaBurger that show sexy girls eating chicken wings! There's also a great cameo from Morgan Spurlock (creator of Super Size Me) who plays a HellaBurger employee. The movie is definitely in my top ten worst clown horrors of all time, and I give Drive Thru 4 toes.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/film/1320

Creature From The Black Lagoon: Movie Review #15

2008-05-14T23:52:00.005-04:00

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954)

The Universal Monsters of the 1950's were the foundation for all of our modern day horrors. I remember watching this film as a boy, fascinated by the Creature who lived underwater. Watching the movie 20 years later, I couldn't help but find the man in the fish suit somewhat ridiculous. Something so scary as a child had no affect on me as a grown man. However, this film and this particular monster was the inspiration for my alias on The Big Toe Blog, so I guess I have indeed been affected by the film even today. Just the word "creature" raises the hair on my arms, a term I find identity with, a simple word that embodies all that I enjoy. Horror and monsters have always been an obsession for me, and I owe a great deal of that to the Creature and this film.

It's quite amazing how simple and straight-forward horror was in the 1950's. Creature From The Black Lagoon was shot in black and white in the supposed Amazon, where a team of archaeologists uncover the bones of a creature's hand. They gather a larger crew and financial backing to take the dig even further, hoping to discover a new species. The expedition takes them to the Black Lagoon, which men have entered but never returned according to legend. One by one, the team is soon terrorized by the Creature, a blueprint for the plot of the horror genre for years to come.

The underwater camerawork is impressive for such primitive times in cinema, and several close calls beneath the surface are the main sources of suspense and tension in the film. When our lovely leading lady Julia Adams is swimming in the lagoon (in a sexy one piece white suit, I might add) the Creature treads water beneath her, inches from her heels. Every time the Creature appears on screen we are bombarded with an intense orchestra sound, which is kind of like his on-screen entrance theme. Much like our present killers in horror films, the Creature takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. Throughout the film he is shot with harpoons, the lagoon water is drugged, he is taken captive by the crew, set on fire, but keeps on truckin. The team, determined to document their find, go up against the Creature above and below the surface, cumulating in several intense underwater battles. The Creature supposedly falls in love with Adams' character (Kay), kidnapping her to his cave, where she is of course eventually rescued and the Creature escapes back into the depths . . . or does he?

Rent this movie and get educated. It's a timeless film and entertaining from start to finish, if you can bear with the fish costume. Of course I give Creature From The Black Lagoon 5 toes!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046876/

Killer Klownz From Outer Space: Movie Review #14

2008-05-12T23:46:00.006-04:00

KILLER KLOWNZ FROM OUTER SPACE (1988)

This is the movie that started it all. I remember watching it on cable over and over as a kid, and it still remains one of my favorite horror flicks of all time. Taking the common fear of clowns to a whole new level, The Chiodo Brothers used creepy clown puppets to craft a story that has become a classic in B movie horror. The storyline is ridiculous - a UFO-like circus tent lands in a field in the middle of nowhere, signalling the attack of balloon-twisting pyschos from another dimension. The clowns terrorize the town, turning their victims into cotton candy cocoons and drinking their blood through twisty straws. The Chiodo Brothers went on to create puppets for movies like Critters (1986) and Team America (2006), but Killer Klownz is, in my opinion, their best work. Many have tried to imitate the film, but none have succeeded in outdoing it. I give the film 5 toes and it still holds the number 1 spot in my top ten horror movies involving clowns.

http://www.chiodobros.com/

Cryptic Art by Unkle Pigors

2008-05-12T23:19:00.004-04:00

CRYPTIC ART (2008)

The latest book of art from the sick and demented mind of Unkle Pigors is now available courtesy of Baby Tattoo Books. Filled with disturbing cartoon-like images in vivid color, every page is splattered with his signature style. Pigors himself encourages you to "pick your new tattoo from this book" and I must say, I'm tempted to do an entire sleeve of this guy's work. He's got a pretty neat website too, with all kinda of cool merchandise, my favorite being the Spookhouse DVD. Click here to view the trailer.

http://www.toxictoons.com/old_entire_site/index.html

Video Violence: Movie Review #13

2008-05-12T22:43:00.004-04:00

VIDEO VIOLENCE 1 & 2 (1987)

When renting is not enough!

The 80's were wonderful! Not only did we get to see slasher films at their peak, but there is a wealth of really awful low budget films to dig up from this decade. Video Violence come to us from Little Zach Productions, a small film company responsible for only 1 other film. These are two of the worst movies I have ever seen, and I mean that in a good way (worth mentioning is that both films are on the same DVD, released in 2007 at the bargain price of only $13).

In the first film a couple open a video store in a small town, only to find that their customers exclusively rent horror and porn (what else is there really?). It all goes downhill when an unmarked tape gets returned to the store, showing the local postman being butchered on camera by two local murderers, Howard and Eli. Part 1 is rather boring, but the sequel comes through on all fronts.

In Part 2 Howard and Eli broadcast their own pirate TV show from an undisclosed location, gathering a cult following of splatter fans who submit their own homemade snuff films. It's like a twisted America's Funniest Home Videos, where the two killers introduce the video submissions all while slicing and dicing a naked woman on the set for the entire film. Videos are submitted by a husband and wife who electrocute a man in their basement, using a homemade electric chair. A trio of half naked college girls order a pizza and hack the delivery boy to pieces after getting him stoned and drunk. A hysterical commercial break about a pet named Wilbur, who parents can buy at the local pet shop to "do their dirty work" (aka kill their children). The movie is maniacal, the gore is low budget and over the top, the acting will make you cringe, and the music is completely ridiculous. I give Video Violence 4 toes.

http://www.amazon.com/Video-Violence-1-2/dp/B000MRNWFG

Pigeons From Hell #1: New comic from Dark Horse

2008-05-10T23:37:00.007-04:00

PIGEONS FROM HELL #1

Brought to us by the wonderful people over at Dark Horse comics, Pigeons from Hell is a new release of the classic Robert E. Howard story, written with a fresh new take by Joe R. Lansdale and illustrated by the young & talented Nathan Fox. Set in the deep south, a group of friends pay a visit to a house with a family history, and plenty of secrets. Neglected for years, an entire room of the house is filled with dead pigeons and has a frightening cold presence, even with the hot summer heat outside. Other than that, we are given very little information in this first issue, and I was left with an uneasy feeling after reading it. The dark & subtle tones brought forth by Fox and the mystery of the old house leave you both wanting more and feeling uneasy. I wouldn't necessarily call this a "horror" comic (issue 2 may prove me wrong), but there is definitely an aura of haunting. My only gripe is the comic was over before it started, so needless to say I can't wait for issue two to find out more . . .

Purchase a copy of Pigeons from Hell here. And make sure you pre-order the Uncle Creepy statue while you're at it. Thank you Dark Horse for two amazing items in 2008!

Twisted Tales Comics

2008-05-10T22:32:00.005-04:00

TWISTED TALES (1982 - 1984)

Pictured left is the first issue of Twisted Tales, which only pushed out 8 issues and was published by Pacific Comics in the early 80's, with an additional 2 more by Eclipse when Pacific went bankrupt. The brains behind the operation was one man by the name of Bruce Jones, who wrote all but 3 of the stories and had also spent some time scripting Creepy and Eerie years prior. I remember grabbing 5 of the 8 issues at the same comic shop where I got my Tales From The Crypt fix, which coincidentally was the comic that inspired Jones to create Twisted.

The difference between the two is that Twisted Tales often had "twists" at the end of each story and the illustration was laced with nudity, which was basically non-existent in the EC comics. Take a look at the cover on the left - a half naked woman with huge tits having her dress pulled off by the walking dead. What more could a 10-year old boy ask for? I remember coming home from the comic shop with issues of Twisted Tales and the EC reprints tucked inside the latest Marvel release, so my Mom wouldn't see how I was spending my paper route money. Being too young to rent horror films, I relied on these comics to scratch my horror itch. Almost 20 years later, with the help of EBay, I was finally able to complete my Twisted Tales collection by snatching up the 3 issues I missed.

The fellas over at Deadlicious have great scans of all the covers over at:

http://deadlicious.blogspot.com/search?q=twisted+tales

The EC Archives: Tales From The Crypt Vol. 1

2008-05-09T23:53:00.007-04:00

Tales From The Crypt Volume 1 (2006)

Issues #1-6

My favorite comic series ever published was re-released in a hardcover edition titled The EC Archives, spread across 2 full volumes. Volume 1 includes comics #1-6 in vibrant color, with over 200 pages hosted by our dear friends The Crypt Keeper, The Vault Keeper, and The Old Witch. Reading through the volume took me back to my younger days when I would ride my bike to Count Dracula's Comic Crypt for the latest issue of Tales - you can't put a pricetag on this kind of nostalgia, so the $35 I paid for this book was worth every penny. More importantly, the illustrations are the source of my inspiration as a fellow artist and horror fanatic.

In my favorite tale, The Maestro's Hand, a talented pianist loses his hand after an accident in the kitchen. The doctor amputates the limb in an attempt to gain the love of the maestro's wife, who then commits suicide after the maestro does the same, unable to cope with the fact that he will never play the same again. The doctor then exiles himself to a remote cabin, where a package arrives with the maestro's rotting hand inside. The hand comes to life, terrorizing the doctor and eventually strangling him to death. A classic revenge story illustrated by the one and only Al Feldstein, one of my favorite horror artists of all time.

This book comes highly recommended to any comic horror fan and will make a great addition to your bookshelf, along with Volume 2 and The Vault of Horror Archives that accompany it.

http://www.eccrypt.com/

The Creature Meets Zacherley Video

2008-05-09T23:21:00.003-04:00

THE CREATURE MEETS THE COOL GHOUL

Here's a clip of me meeting one of my heroes, Zacherley, at the Chiller Theatre Convention in New Jersey on May 3, 2008.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebt8bhe-pH8

PROM NIGHT: Movie Review #12

2008-05-09T18:40:00.004-04:00

PROM NIGHT (1980)

For whatever reason, I find the need to go back and view the original before going to the theater whenever a re-make comes out. I did the same with Texas Chainsaw Massacre (even though the original is one of my favorite films and I never have a problem watching it again). I would bet the Leatherface Family Ranch that the Prom Night re-make is going to be a bunch of crap just like Chainsaw was. But I’m still going to go see it. Just so I can write about it here. Who knows, maybe they will take a really boring uneventful film, mostly shot in the dark with not nearly enough gore, and turn it into something special 18 years later . . .

Prom Night begins in an abandoned school, where a group of young children taunt a girl named Robin Hammond until she falls out the window from a few stories up. She dies and the kids swear to never tell – six years later, now in High School, they are picked off one by one by someone obviously seeking revenge. That is really the movie in a nutshell – the fact that it’s prom night is rather insignificant, except for the fact that there’s a really nifty “Prom Night” theme song that plays throughout the film (it’s actually really corny and catchy so don’t fall asleep with the DVD menu running). The police are, of course, confused and assume the murderer is an escaped mental patient, who was actually present at the scene of the crime 6 years prior and attempted to outrun police. The murder was never solved, so the police decide this man is doing the killing. Even though the director is so obviously trying to sway us in the wrong direction here, I still was unable to figure out who the killer was. Maybe I was just bored and didn’t bother to try hard enough.

Speaking of police, we have an appearance by Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Police Squad (aka Leslie Nielsen), who plays Mr. Hammond, father of the murdered child and principal of the school. It’s really difficult to take this guy serious after seeing Naked Gun as many times as I have. Jamie Lee Curtis also stars as the lead role of Kim Hammond. With these popular cast members and a low budget, the film attempts to create a stalker/revenge horror flick focused around the most special night in a High School girl’s life, but quite honestly, I’d rather watch Carrie (1976) anyday (you'd think maybe Prom Night director Paul Lynch would have stolen some ideas from Brian De Palma's prom night pig-blood bath just 4 years prior . . . it might have helped here).

We get a little surprise at the end when the killer’s mask is removed, and if I remember correctly from my days of browsing the VHS titles in Pathmark there is a sequel called Hello Mary Lou Prom Night 2. But before I review Prom Night 2 I’m going to the theater to see the re-make of the first, with a review to follow.

In the meantime, I give the Prom Night original 2 toes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081383/

Zombie Strippers: Movie Review #11

2008-05-08T00:09:00.004-04:00

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS (2008)

Where do I start with this one? I was walking down 34th Street in Manhattan a few weeks ago when I spotted a Grindhouse-style poster of Jenna Jameson, bearing the title “Zombie Strippers.” The fine print revealed Robert Englund as part of the cast, bringing my excitement to an even higher level. Stripper zombies, with one of my favorite faces in horror among the cast? Sold! Knowing nothing about the film, and having never seen a trailer, I was flipping through my On Demand options last night only to find the movie sitting there, the last title under “Z,” ready to be activated at the click of my remote.

The movie is exactly what the title implies – a whole lot of blood and boobs. The director Jay Lee obviously had the desire to see zombies strip, and managed to stretch the idea out across an hour and half. Think From Dusk Til Dawn meets Dawn of The Dead meets your favorite local strip-club. After being thrown into the film all too quickly (10 minutes into it I felt like I had started it in the middle by mistake), we are introduced to our world in the “very near future,” where Bush is still in office for his 4th consecutive term. We’re still at war, with not enough troops to fight, so a virus is created that brings the soldiers back to life after being killed, to fight as zombies. Cool concept, but rather unnecessary. The virus might as well have been dropped into someone’s drink at the strip club and caused an outbreak from there – the source of the virus is really irrelevant here. What we really want to see are the zombie strippers. So basically you can fast forward the first part of the film and get right to it.

After a poor attempt at transition in the plot, an infected member of the army stumbles upon an underground strip joint and manages to infect the strippers, who one by one rise from the dead to not only eat the customers alive, but also to strip for the duration of the movie. Brilliant! Even though I’m not a huge fan, Jenna Jameson looks halfway decent in the film; every stripper has their own personality – you have the down south Bible girl who strips to pay for her Granny’s medical bills, the Gothic chick, the bitchy brunette who hates the blondes for taking all the money, etc. Most of the girls end up turning into zombies, and we are left with a total bloodbath as a result.

Englund’s role in the film as the club owner is decent (although he can never really top the role of Freddy that we all love him for), and allowed for a few laughs (especially when he sprays disinfectant on the strippers every time they walk by). The real strength of the film is the fact that Lee obviously didn’t give a shit about storyline here – he just wanted an abundance of nudity and gore, which is always a plus to every splatter/horror fan. The effects are pretty awesome, especially when the Gothic stripper tells some guy “I like your tongue” and then proceeds to tear his entire face in half by the mouth, just to eat out his tongue. The movie is advertised as a “horror comedy,” and it certainly delivers both.

After all the movie reviews I've done for this blog, I realized I should be rating them as well. Moving forward, I will rate the films on a 1 to 5 basis, 5 toes being the best and 1 toe being God-awful. Keep in mind that when reviewing horror, God-awful might also imply really awesome. With that said, I give Zombie Strippers 4 toes – only reason I didn’t give it 5 was because there’s no real storyline, and creativity is key in my opinion. However, the director did do something here that we rarely get to see – just downright bloody sexy fun without all the BS! Well done, Jay Lee.

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/zombiestrippers/index.html

CREEPSHOW Comic Book

2008-05-04T04:47:00.007-04:00

CREEPSHOW (1982)

Back in the early 80's the dynamic duo of horror Stephen King & George Romero teamed up to create a brilliant tribute to EC's Tales From The Crypt comics, with a movie to follow. I picked up a copy of this classic mag, in excellent condition, at the Chiller Theatre this past weekend and I must say, it is one of my favorite additions to my collection. Even though the idea is rather unoriginal (the host of the comic looks like the Crypt Keeper's lesser known brother and the font is a direct bite off Tales), the stories are well-written, and having seen the movie a few hundred times I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I suggest you grab a copy if you can find one and read it by candlelight.

My favorite story is Father's Day, about a man who comes back from the dead to seek revenge on his family for his death, or should i say murder. The best part of the story is that he demands his "cake" over and over, finishing the tale with a decapitated head on a platter with candles sticking out. We all know what it's like to want a piece of cake!

HATCHET: Movie Review #10

2008-04-30T23:03:00.007-04:00

HATCHET (2007)

When a movie claims to be "old school American horror," is the director preparing us for a terrible plot enhanced with unrealistic kill scenes and splattered with enough fake blood to fill Crystal Lake to the shoreline? Apparently so, because in the case of Adam Green's Hatchet, we are blessed with all of the above, and then some . . .

After watching Grandma's Boy over a hundred times, I found it difficult to take lead role Joel David Moore seriously ("Adios terd nuggets!"), but guest appearances by horror legends like Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th, who holds down the role of Victor Crowley here), Robert Englund (the one & only Freddy Krueger), and Tony Todd (Candyman) pick up the slack where Moore lacks.

The cast is rounded out by Mercedes McNab (fun fact: also the little Girl Scout from the Addams Family movie) who flashes enough tits in the movie along with her hot brunette sidekick to earn the film an R-rating. Worth mentioning here is Green's brilliant use of gratuitous (and pointless) nudity, taking it to another level by having the girls drop their tops on command right into the camera, with not a single sex scene to justify it.

Plot: a group of friends travel down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and end up on a haunted swamp tour (led by Asian actor Parry Shen and his hilariously put-on down-south accent). After their boat starts to sink, the group is left to survive in the woods of local legend Victor Crowley, aka "Hatchetface," who rips and tears his way through them one by one. My personal favorite is the gas-powered sandblaster to the face - power tools make for such great murder weapons! After all, the use of just a "hatchet" would have been boring, right?

A proper tribute to the 80's slasher genre indeed, Hatchet plays out like it was made 20 years ago, but with the latest gore and camera effects to remind you it's not 1988. Humor laces the entire plot and keeps the film fun, but unfortunately lessens some of the scares. Even the kill scenes are funny - while watching the blood splatter you can tell there is a film crew throwing buckets of blood against the trees from the sidelines (the special features reveal the actual number of gallons of fake blood used in the film). It's truly refreshing to see a director bring back the slasher elements that made the 80's so much fun, and do it properly. We needed a new horror mascot, and while Victor Crowley isn't nearly as cool as Jason or Freddy, it's a step in the right direction, and makes up for the pathetic mess that Leslie Vernon left in Behind The Mask (2006) one year prior.

The special features on the DVD show you a side of film making we rarely get to see - the upfront honesty of a young director and his crew. Apparently the trailer was shot during a day-time tour of a New Orleans swamp, holding the camera low to the water and capturing alligators swimming by, then editing the innocent footage to have a horror feel. The trailer is narrated by a little girl with a slight lisp, which creates an eerie vibe that could never have been projected by a Hollywood actress. The trailer itself left alot to the imagination, and internet buzz caused the film to get picked up and funded. A truly amazing, DIY story for sure, and Adam Green's sincerity in the behind the scenes footage is inspiring to young horror fans everywhere.

The Big Toe Blog rates Hatchet one of the best horror films of 2007.

www.hatchetmovie.com

Chiller Convention this weekend!

2008-04-29T23:46:00.006-04:00

CHILLER THEATRE - FRI, SAT, SUN MAY 2-4, 2008

This weekend at the Parsippany New Jersey Hilton Hotel is the annual Chiller convention! I will be attending on Saturday afternoon before heading upstate for a DJ gig in Albany, NY. I'm going for one reason: to meet the special guest and a childhood idol of mine, Zacherley. OK so I guess I'm a nerd because I'm bringing a poster and book for him to sign, but the guy has had a serious impact on my life and my love for horror. Dinner With Drac was on constant repeat when I was little, Monster Mash was my favorite song and dance, and I've spent the last year or so trying to find as much media on Zach possible. I just finished reading Richard Scrivani's book Goodnight Whatever You Are, an esssential read for any Zacherley fan. Horror hosts have always fascinated me - whether human or puppet - from Zacherley to Uncle Creepy to The Crypt Keeper, I am obsessed with the concept of horror storytelling. Needless to say, Saturday is an important day for me and I will post photos after the weekend.

Goodnight, whatever you are!

www.chillertheatre.com

We All Scream For Ice Cream: Movie Review #9

2008-04-27T21:57:00.007-04:00

We All Scream For Ice Cream (2007)

I am definitely on a quest to see every horror film ever made that involves clowns. Not because I am, or have ever been, afraid of them, but rather because they bring a real element of fun to a genre so reliant on fear (blood and guts aren't so bad when there's a red nose and rainbow wig involved). Crazed carnivals and twisted big-tops have always been a personal favorite, so this movie was a must.

The Masters of Horror finally struck gold here, with a style reminiscent of the old Tales from the Crypt HBO shows. Buster The Clown, a stuttering ice cream man and "magician," comes back from the dead to destroy a group of friends known as The West Side Bunch, who accidentally killed him during a childhood prank years prior. Now all grown up, their own children are under Buster's spell, walking around zombie-like mumbling about "the best ice cream in the whole world." The ice cream served from the Cheery Time truck is in fact frozen "voodoo" dolls on a stick, and when the kids eat them their parents die. Better yet - they MELT. As they say in the film: "Your kid bites it, you bite the big one." What an amazing revenge concept!

One of my favorite elements is the haunting voice of Buster that echoes through the entire film: I scream . . . you scream . . . we all scream for ice cream, and when he shows up on the screen to say "It's Cheery Time!" The melted ice cream bloody guts puddles are pretty damn cool as well; fog machine overkill and some frost adorns the ice cream truck from Hell.

The only fault of the film is that Buster can be temporarily "stunned" with a little H2O from the sprinkler or a toy water gun - not much of a killer if you ask me. But the water isn't enough to take him out - he finally meets his doom when one of the kids bites off the head of a homemade ice cream bar of Buster himself. The final shot of Buster's mug leaves us hoping for a sequel . . .

The film is short, but fun, and I had no choice but to make myself a chocolate sundae when the credits started to roll. I love ice cream and this movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0817402/

A Day at NYC Comic Con

2008-04-19T23:54:00.006-04:00

A Day at Comic Con - Javits Center, NYC

My first Comic Convention experience, and definitely not my last. We arrived mid-day and I immediately scanned the booths for as much horror as I could find, dodging the superheroes, Trekkies, and various other socially awkward humans roaming around the Javits Center on a beautiful Spring afternoon. I managed to cover the entire ground in 4 hours, heading home with some really great toys and comics. Highlights of the event included sitting in for 5 minutes of Zombie Survival 101, a seminar about how to survive the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse, and walking out because it was a complete waste of time. The panel was hosted by a few teenagers who obviously have been playing too many video games. Everybody knows how to kill a zombie. Get some sun, fellas. The day was complete when I got to view the prototypes for the Uncle Creepy figure and a sick 25" tall Creature from the Black Lagoon figure coming soon from Amoktime!

Now added to my collection:

Count Chocula, FrankenBerry, and Boo Berry bobbleheads
Cryptic Art hardcover by Unkle Pigors
Two issues of Creepy magazine (1965)
Issue #1 of Pigeons From Hell (Dark Horse Comics)
Prom Night movie poster (yeah yeah it's a remake but I'm gonna see it anyway)
Uncle Creepy t-shirt

Oh yeah and my girl didn't break up with me for being a big nerd so that's a plus . . .

www.nycomiccon.com

Shrooms: Movie Review #8

2008-04-18T23:36:00.011-04:00

Shrooms (2006)

For some reason I am always attracted to horror movies that only have 1 copy on the shelf at Blockbuster. Having heard that Shrooms was like The Blair Witch Project on acid, I had to be the one to rent the only copy of this. Of course there was one on the shelf - who in their right mind would rent this?

The movie is and hour and a half with 5 friends in the woods on magic mushrooms, having violent hallucinations that include a hooded figure walking through the foggy forest, talking cows, brutal murders, and huge slimy piles of frog semen. That alone should be enough to make you want to see this film.

The intro visuals are superb, as is the camera work, which sets a great tone for the psychedelic elements of the picture. The characters are believeable, which is usually a great challenge with people pretending to be high on camera. Paddy Breathnach (director) does an outstanding job of blurring the lines between reality and hallucination, and you find yourself questioning if what you're seeing is real, in turn making you a character in the film as well.

Unlike most horror movies where the killer is defined, and we know who the masked man with the butcher knife is, the killer in Shrooms always seems like an illusion. A campfire horror story reveals some of the story line, about a hospital in the woods where children were massacred by a black order of religious brothers. Otherwise we are left to assume the hooded figure is this same murderer, but are never entirely sure. All of the horror is a foreshadowing - and we see the events unfold before they actually happen, but when they do occur, they are just as frightening as the hallucination. This is an incredible feat on the part of the director. We get scared by the same thing twice. TRIPPY!

All of the scares are quick, using modern camera tactics like The Ring did and leaving alot to the imagination, but they are still effective with very little gore. The entire film relies on the psychological side of horror, leaving the audience to feel like they too are on drugs, which is in turn a hell of a lot scarier than a few people getting hunted down in the woods. After all, hasn't that been done a million times before?

It's always refreshing to see someone take the common horror film elements and tweak them into something totally new and different. That is what Breathnach has accomplished here. Unfortunately, some of the typical genre elements are missing, the most notable being gratuitous nudity. Otherwise the film has it all - drugs, blood, spooky forest, creepy old hospital, axes as murder weapons, and my personal favorite - two backwoods Irish hillbilly forest dwellers that drool all over themselves and eat roadkill for dinner. A fun film indeed, but may not have the same effect for someone who has never dabbled with the magic fungus!

www.shroomsthemovie.com

Mulberry Street: Movie Review #7

2008-04-15T22:47:00.008-04:00

Mulberry Street (2007)

Last year's Horrorfest was, in a nutshell, a huge letdown for horror fans worldwide. I fell for the pitch "8 Films To Die For," horror movies too graphic to be shown in theaters, and rented The Abandoned, vowing afterwards never to peep another Horrorfest film again. The previews looked amazing, but the films failed to deliver on all fronts.

Therefore, I was skeptical when I saw 2007's new films, but after reading the Rue Morgue review of Mulberry Street I decided to give it a chance. The movie was exactly as the magazine described it - low budget horror with high quality impact. It is amazing what a director and team can pull off with only a $25,000 budget. Set in my hometown of NYC, the plot unravels around a group of project residents, whose building is being revamped and their leases re-evaluated. The city falls victim to a zombie rat outbreak, and presents the plague as just another downside to living in the Big Apple - right alongside high priced apartments, cut throat business competition, and awful living conditions.

Most of the actors are not actors at all, but real people living in the city, and after a group of residents refused to have their apartments used for the making of the flim, the crew was forced to shoot all the scenes in the same apartment. After various set changes, it is not at all noticeable. Footage of "riots" and "protests" are actually captured footage of parades and gatherings on the streets of New York, but are convincing when used in the context of a news flash surrounding the rat infestation. Innocent footage of rats scurrying around the streets and sewers is edited in such a way that you are on the edge of your seat the entire time.

The gore is simply awesome, and depicted in darkness - scenes where the rat zombies feed on their victims definitely do the job of making your stomach turn. Who really cares what the plot is after all - the bottom line is people are mutating from rat bites, and terrorizing the city in a style reminiscent of George Romero's films. What more do you really need to know?

My next viewing from Horrorfest will be Crazy Eights - I'll keep you posted . . .

www.mulberrystreetmovie.com

Fright Night: Movie Review #6

2008-04-15T22:30:00.006-04:00

Fright Night (1985)

When I was a child, my mother would take me grocery shopping at Pathmark and I would wander up and down the video aisle looking at the cover art for 80's horror films on VHS. I remember the titles like it was yesterday, and when I got older, I went on a mission to see all the movies in the aisle that I was too young to rent at the time. Fright Night, although an awfully drawn out and boring film, bears one of the best works of cover art I have ever seen in the horror genre. It has everything you need - spooky old house, dark clouds swirling in the sky with the face of a demon, and an awesome symmetrical font that screams horror! Pure packaging genius!

The poster beckons: "If you love being scared, it'll be the night of your life." I for one love to be scared, but this movie just didn't have the guts. A vampire moves in next door. No one believes Charlie that his neighbor is a killer. The entire film is Charlie trying to convince people that his neighbor is a member of the undead. Without nearly enough gore, the movie drags on with little action to keep you interested. The only reason I chose to acknowledge such a terrible example of the horror genre is because the artwork is so damn cool. This is one of those films that reminds me why I love Netflix so much - you can rent the worst movies and still not feel like you wasted your money - there will be an equally terrible film or ground-breaking one in the mail two days later. Also check the movie out if you want to see a younger version of Marcy Darcy, before she appeared on Married With Children years later. Otherwise, rent a worthwhile vampire flick like 30 Days of Night or the timeless classic Dracula.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0089175/

New toy alert!!

2008-04-13T01:49:00.005-04:00

Dark Horse Comics Presents: Uncle Creepy

Coming May 2008 is the unforgettable 14" tall Uncle Creepy statue! So cool I'll be pre-ordering several of these figures to add to my collection. Creepy magazine cover art changed my life, along with Tales From The Crypt, The Vault of Horror, and The Haunt of Fear. This tribute to the horror publications of the 1960's was sculpted by Tony Cipriano and the detail is impeccable . . . a must-have for all horror collectors. Check out the Dark Horse site here to pre-order. All the Creepy magazine covers can be found here.

MONSTER LAB SLEEVE - PART ONE

2008-04-12T04:31:00.007-04:00

MAD SCIENTIST MONSTER LAB SLEEVE EXPERIMENT
PART ONE: DISSECT AND ALIEN

Arco/Mattel released a toy series called Mad Scientist circa 1987. Monster creations and weird lab experiments conducted by the insane character Dr. Sy N. Tist, along with all the green slime you could handle, was a dream come true for every 8 year old boy in the late 80's. I asked my parents for every single one of these toys, starting with the Dissect An Alien Kit, which was an alien creature filled with guts that you could dissect on a lab mat with a plastic scalpel, displaying all of his guts on the corresponding lab mat artwork. And if that wasn't cool enough, green slime would pour out of him during the operation, and when it was all over you could stitch him back up with a rubber slab of stitches! They were my favorite toys as a boy, but the line unfortunately did not last very long on the shelves. If you're lucky enough, you can grab some relics on EBay like I did.

In April 2007, I decided to tattoo my right sleeve with all of the characters and experiments from this series. I wanted something unique and a tribute to my youth & love for monsters. The sleeve project began on my upper right arm at Empire State Studios in Oceanside, NY. Friend & artist Bobby Chichester and I decided to start with the alien, considering it was the first toy of the series that I purchased - that was one of the toys that started it all! We would then work down the arm, adding additional monsters and lab backdrops along the way.

The photo above shows the alien himself full of guts (pre-dissection) and next to it, 15 hours after I went under the scalpel myself. More photos and updates on this project coming soon!

Check out the original Mad Scientist toy commercial here.

CREATURE SKATEBOARDS - RIDE OR DIE!!

2008-04-12T01:40:00.013-04:00

My favorite skate team is back! As a skater for 14 years of my life, I became hooked on their classic monster look and gory graphics in the early 90's. After searching for old merch online over 3 years ago, I discovered the resurrection of the team, and have proceeded to purchase every product of theirs since. Last week I bought my first complete deck in over 10 years, a limited edition board series called "Zombie Drummers From The Crypt." Some call it a quarter-life crisis - I call it an obsession that never went away.

I also strongly suggest purchasing a copy of the team's Black Metal DVD as soon as possible. Combining classic horror elements with insane street and pool skating, this is the best skate video I have ever seen. It's not everyday that you get to see skaters drop into half pipes in a coffin on wheels! Creature T-shirts, hoodies, caps, stickers, and some of the coolest skate merch ever is available at your local skateshop.

Make sure you check them out online at

www.creatureskateboards.com/home.php and www.myspace.com/creature_fiends

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CREATURE!

The Ruins: Movie Review #5

2008-04-12T00:49:00.014-04:00

The Ruins (2008)

According to Stephen King, this is the best horror novel of the new century. As far as I'm concerned, he's a pretty reliable source when it comes to horror. I bought the book at the airport and finished it 3 days later - I haven't enjoyed a book like this in almost 10 years.

I first saw the preview for the film a few months back, and like all new horror flicks, I counted the days to its theater release. I was somewhat skeptical knowing that the plant was the killer (after all Primeeval's alligator was a major bummer, wasn't it?). Horror book to movie projects are usually a letdown across the board, but in this case, I was blown away. Scott Smith is both the author of the book and the writer of the film's screenplay - perhaps the reason why the film was such a fair adaptation. Although the film did not hold to the same psychological horror as the book, the interaction between the characters and the vine was dead on (no pun intended). I have never seen or read horror quite like this. I respect an author and/or filmmaker that pushes the envelope, especially in a genre so dependent on its cookie-cutter elements.

Plot: A group of friends "double date" to the site of Mayan ruins in the jungle outside Cancun, Mexico. They stumble upon a historical place of sacrifice, and are trapped atop the ruins by the local Mayans. They are then held captive by the vine that grows there; they discover bodies within the brush, and slowly start to realize that the vine has taken on a life of its own. It mocks their actions, copies their voices, and feeds off their blood. The vine is even able to penetrate their bodies and eat away at flesh. The details in the book are enough to make your stomach turn, and the gore in the film definitely does this justice. There's something unique about watching a girl peel back her skin with a dirty hunting knife to try to extract the vine slithering beneath the surface. The slow deterioration of the characters' mental states is the most interesting part of the book, but this seems rushed in the film. In light of this, both mediums make the grade for The Big Toe Blog.

Highlights of the film include an arrow to the chest followed by a bullet to the head, splattering Dimitri's brains on the jungle floor. My favorite: Mathias's legs being eaten away by the vine, and Jeff's decision to amputate his legs with the same hunting knife, burning the stumps with a heated frying pan to prevent infection. The contemplation on cannibalism, which makes for a very uncomfortable situation in the novel, is removed from the film, but plenty of gore effects make up for its absence. At any point in the novel you feel like the story could turn into a modern version of The Donner Party. I think I would have thoroughly enjoyed seeing the characters coming to terms with their starvation, and remedy the situation by eating their friends. With the movie clocking in at only 1 hour and 30 minutes, there was plenty of room to add this element if Smith had wanted to!

All in all, this was the most impressive book to movie adaptation I have seen in years - not since Pet Sematary (1989) or Christine (1983) have I been able to say that. Pick up a copy of The Ruins sooner rather than later, and take your girl to see the film like I did. And, when you get home, make sure you water your plants. Terror has definitely evolved.

http://www.ruinsmovie.com/

The Last House on the Left: Movie Review #4

2008-04-02T22:09:00.012-04:00

The Last House on the Left (1972)
I am a huge fan of Nightmare on Elm Street and Wes Craven. As an 80's child, I couldn't help but love Freddy Krueger. I am also a huge fan of digging for obscure films that horror directors made before their big hits. Fully equipped with plenty of blood, violence, drug use, revenge, and even rape, this movie is a must-see - the old school advertisement that instructed you to remind yourself that "it's only a movie" is pure genius. Anything that comes with a warning message is right up my alley. However, I was somewhat let down.

Now I hate to hate on a classic, but I felt like I was watching someone's home videos -- low budget can be alot of fun, but I would have much rathered Craven went the Herschell Gordon Lewis route with his soundtrack. The gore and violence of the film is simply watered down with cheesy circus music and absolutely no suspense. I guess you could consider it a horror movie, although I found myself searching for the horror. Sure, it's terrible what a gang of criminals did to a couple of girls in the woods (and it is supposedly based on a true story) but there was no build-up to the gore at all. I really wanted to be scared but just wasn't.

The movie did, however, redeem itself for a few moments, namely the humor -- the junkie criminal's frog impression (I always have a laugh at drug addicts in films) and the blowjob scene where Momma bites off the guido's you know what. The screwdriver to the front teeth was a nice touch as well, and the brilliant use of the chainsaw toward the end of the film must have paved the way for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 years later. However, I still couldn't help but feel like I was watching a gorier version of I Spit On Your Grave (1978). Check it out because it's a classic, but you won't need to remind yourself that it's only a movie.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0068833/

The Wizard of Gore: Movie Review #3

2008-03-15T11:07:00.009-04:00

The Wizard of Gore (1970)

Back in 1999 or 2000 I was reading Disco Bloodbath by James St. James, which tells the story of the infamous NYC "murder in clubland" during the peak of the Limelight party era. In this book James claims that the party-boy murderer, Michael Alig, was hooked on old low budget horror films (among other things), and his party Blood Feast was a result of this obsession. I investigated further and discovered Blood Feast, and Lewis immediately became one of my favorite horror filmmakers.

Herschell Gordon Lewis is, quite simply, a genius. Even more than just from a film lover's point of view - the man writes scores to his own films, so as a musician I have an even deeper respect for the man . The Wizard of Gore might just be my favorite Lewis film of all time. The main character Montag looks like someone's drunken uncle, but he is a magician/murderer that mauls women on stage, stabbing and sawing them into a bloody pile of organs. The illusion is that the audience sees this happen, but the participants do not actually die . . . they walk off stage in one piece (that is, until they go home). Bodies begin turning up, cut up and mutilated the same way they were on stage. Pure genius.

It seems to be a trend in Lewis's films to torture and murder women, and this film is no exception. Some think of him as a pervert, or a psychopath, because of the bloody gore and sex that is so prevalent in every one of his films - I think this just makes him a bona fide genius and artist.

The movie has been resurrected, with Crispin Glover playing Montag. That's right, good old Marty McFly aka Willard the Rat Collector. I think he will do the character justice - as a matter of fact, I can't think of a single actor I'd rather see play this lead. However, there is no possible way that Jeremy Kasten will be able to mimic the low budget cinematography, disturbing music, and 70's feel of any Lewis film. Nonetheless, I have never been this excited for a remake . . .

For more info on the new film, check out www.wizardofgorethemovie.com

House of Wax: Movie Review #2

2008-03-14T00:28:00.008-04:00

House of Wax (1953)

Vincent Price has been my idol since the very first time I heard him laugh on Michael Jackson's Thriller. I am in the middle of Denis Meikle's book Vincent Price: The Art of Fear and I cannot put it down. But I did take a break from my reading for yet another viewing of the classic horror film, House Of Wax.

First off, the recent remake of this film does the original absolutely no justice (which is usually the case in most horror remakes, but having Paris Hilton in the cast is enough to make it completely useless). However, Price's performance in the original made him an instant staple in horror cinema for years to come. While House on Haunted Hill remains one of his more popular titles, House of Wax is still my personal favorite.

After Price's life's work as a wax sculptor is destoyed by his greedy investor turned arsonist, Price seeks revenge by murdering people and using their bodies as wax sculptures in his new museum. Visitors marvel at the realistic appearance of the figures. Presumed dead in the fire, Price's burned face is hidden by his own wax mask for the duration of the film as he runs around town like a mutilated Zorro, fully equipped with black hat and cape, which is more of a laugh than a scare. His sidekick is a deaf mute also adds some real comedy to the plot, and the stupidity of the local police adds even more. But like all bad guys, Price gets his in the end, by falling into an enormous boiling cauldron of wax. Forgive the bad joke here, but this film is absolutely PRICELESS!

www.imdb.com/title/tt0045888/

Funland: Movie Review #1

2008-03-14T00:04:00.006-04:00

Funland (1986)

It is rare that I will turn off a horror movie before it ends. However, after almost 40 minutes of this PG-13 1986 disgrace to the horror film genre I had had enough. I hate to start off this blog and my first film review on a bad note, but here goes . . .

The Funland Amusement Park is taken over by a stereo-typical Italian family who's father saw The Godfather series one too many times, and their first move is to fire the park's mascot, a deranged circus clown whose only friend is a talking pepperoni hand puppet. The humorous and ridiculous dialogue of the film is enough to capture your attention for a good 30 minutes, and the knockout cast includes the lady who said the famous "there's no basement in the Alamo" line in Pee Wee's Big Adventure and one of the cops from an early Police Academy. The lead character's plunge into insanity is far too drawn out, and there is no gore at all for the first half of the film. I didn't make it through the movie so I can't say there was even any gore worth mentioning. Save yourself some time and rent Killer Klownz From Outer Space or Drive Thru if you're in the mood for a good clown-killer movie.