MOVIE REVIEW #37: THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (2009)

2009 is off to a great start for horror film fanatics - Friday the 13th, My Bloody Valentine, The Last House on the Left, etc., and now last week's release of The Haunting in Connecticut (I'm not even considering movies like The Unborn and The Uninvited, mainly because that is just not the kind of horror I care to see). At this rate 2009 is shaping up to be a good year for us . . .

I have to admit, Haunting looked really promising when I saw the trailer. Anything "based on a true story" prompts me to do some research online, find out the real story that sparked Hollywood's interest, and then see how the director works off this story. Unfortunately in this case, it is rumored that most of the "true story" just doesn't add up. It seems the only real parallel between the film and reality is that the family did in fact discover mortuary equipment in the house, which is in my opinion, a creepy enough foundation for a story. Needless to say I went into the theatre with low expectations.


I'm not going to bore you with the details around the plot mainly because it just wasn't all that interesting. A young boy (Matt) plagued with a painful cancer is relocated with his family to CT to attend a better hospital with experienced doctors there to treat his condition. He participates in a special study once there, and his father works multiple jobs to keep money coming in, taking road trips to visit the family on his off-time. The lack of a father figure is supposed to create a feeling of helplessness. There is "something strange about the house" as soon as the family visits it, and of course the rent seems oddly cheap for such an old house of its size. A strange presence is felt right away, there's a mysterious door in the basement that won't open, Matt begins having hallucinations and seeing ghosts, the rest of the family thinks it's the medicine, Matt meets a priest who knows the story behind the house, family does some research to learn the house's history, the haunting becomes stronger and begins to attack the whole family, they stay in the house (of course), the priest "cleanses" the house, then Matt saves the day by burning it down and destroying the corpses that are buried in the walls. There you go - I just saved you ten bucks . . .


The movie does very little to think outside the box - much of what you see has already been done. The influences are glaring -- think The Amityville Horror meets Poltergeist with a taste of The Exorcist, but not nearly as well-done as these three classics. There are some cool elements, such as the dead bodies engraved with letters and symbols (we never are told why) and the ectoplasm coming from the mouth of the medium during a seance scene. But the majority of the film relies on quick scares and Matt's hallucinations, and unfortunately that just doesn't dive deep enough for me. After awhile I found myself wanting to see the horror, not just in Matt's mind, but right there in the house and on the screen in front of us. A figure standing in the reflection of the mirror and a rotten corpse appearing in the room and then disappearing moments later is just not enough for me these days, but its a quick scare tactic that makes money. I have to admit, I jumped a whole bunch of times during the film, but there's so much more to the genre than that. A true horror film tells a disturbing story and leaves you with a feeling of unrest and discomfort in your own skin -- The Haunting in Connecticut is entertaining, but does very little to break new ground.

People magazine did a story with Carmen Reed, the real-life mother (played by Virginia Madsen), who describes the paranormal activity here:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20270145,00.html

SPLATTERHOUSE

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MOVIE REVIEW #36: NURSE SHERRI

THE POSSESSION OF NURSE SHERRI (1978)
Directed by Al Adamson

Meet Sherri . . . for an evening of Pleasure and Terror!

Her bedside manner will keep you in stitches!

These taglines sum up the film perfectly -- picture a sexy night nurse in the late 70's, possessed by a demon, who kills without any knowledge of it. It's The Exorcist meets Carrie, with a medical degree. The film begins in the desert, where a deranged "prophet" named Reanhauer attempts to raise the dead and almost kills himself in the process. He is rushed to a nearby hospital where, during emergency surgery, he possesses the body of the lovely Nurse Sherri. Strange things begin happening in the hospital, and the doctors who operated on Reanhauer are killed off one by one. A local football star is laid up after an accident that left him blind, but he can sense the presence of an evil spirit because (of course) his grandmother was a voodoo priestess. Dr. Desmond, who is dating Nurse Sherri, notices her strange behavior and when confronting her, he is greeted by the voice of Reanhauer from within Sherri. As if this wasn't enough to convince us that Sherri is indeed possessed, Desmond refuses to get her the proper medical attention and almost meets his demise when Sherri locks him in the bathroom and emerges from behind the shower door armed with 2 bloody meat cleavers.

The highlight of the film is a hallucinogenic montage of twisted imagery that surrounds Sherri as she lays in bed and the demon takes her over. A low-budget green light special effect creeps into the room from under the door and swirls around her, depicting images of death and destruction, symbolizing the possession. The climax of the film is the bathroom scene when Sherri, in her blood spattered white nightgown, is about to murder Desmond but the spirit leaves her body at that very moment when two local nurses exhume the body of Reanhauer and burn the grave. The score of the film is great, using eerie 70's synths and strings, and although not the least bit scary, it is an entertaining piece of horror history. Nurse Sherri isn't quite up to par with one of my favorite horror films of all time (Horror Hospital), but it is still a good watch. Hospitals are just a perfect setting for horror - almost as good as a circus with killer clowns . . .

Also worth mentioning is the DVD special features, which include drive-in movie trailers and intermission snack bar advertisements that take you back to the old days when going to the movies was still fun. Instead of telling you to turn off your cell phones and not talk, the ads encourage you to purchase hot dogs, popcorn, and of course, ice cold refreshing Coca-Cola.

Check out Nurse Sherri on IMDB at:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076478/

MOVIE REVIEW #35: MIDNIGHT MOVIE

MIDNIGHT MOVIE (2008)
Directed by Jack Messitt

Here we go again folks! It's the return of the "one copy on the shelf at Blockbuster" horror movie review, courtesy of The Big Toe Blog! Every time I rent one of these I can't help but think I could make a horror film. All you need is a story, and apparently it doesn't have to be a very good one. Today's technology and cameras make even the lowest budget film seem larger than life. After seeing Midnight Movie, I am convinced that I need to make a movie . . . and make it good. Then maybe I can have the coveted reward of being the only copy on the new release shelf. If the Gingerdead Man can happen (and get sequel treatment), anything is possible . . .


Anyway Midnight Movie starts off with a hospital scene massacre that reminded me of the My Bloody Valentine remake opening scene, reviewed a few weeks back in the blog. An old looney gets put in a room to watch "his film," and be observed behind glass. The doctors leave him unattended (wow, big surprise) and he starts taking huge bites of flesh out of his arms while the movie plays, eventually sending him on a killing spree.


Fast forward 5 years to a small suburban town that is playing the cult classic in a local theater. We learn that the old loon was in fact the director and star of the film, and local police think he might show up for the viewing, even though he is rumored to be dead blah blah blah (the usual back from the dead story). Enter the teeny bopper theater employees - the young girl who is in charge, the bubble gum chewing slut, and the nerdy guy who just wants to run the show for awhile. Then of course we have the grey haired detective who is hoping the killer will show up, and my favorite character - the fat biker dude who gets head from his girlfriend while watching the movie and tells all the kids to shut up. And a group of friends double dating. No real surprises here as far as the cast goes - just a bunch of lifeless goons I didn't mind seeing slaughtered.


The real surprise is just how terrible the overall concept is. Now it might have been cool if the killer showed up and trapped everyone in the theater and picked them off one by one. But no, that would be too simple. Instead, the movie they are watching becomes "real life" and they are trapped inside it. Seriously. Someone actually thought this would be a good idea. One of the most comical moments is when everyone makes a run for the front doors, but can't get out because they are "locked." I guess throwing a chair through the glass to escape would have taken too much thought. Moments like these make the film very easy to pass off as another badly planned horror movie, but also serve to remind us that the director is just trying to have a good time. I can respect that. This is also evident in the bathroom scene when one of their friends has just been murdered, and there's nothing left but a pile of brains on the floor that they proceed to kick around like a hackey sack.


The blatant plot rip-off of classic films such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is hardly acceptable. A nod to your influences is always welcomed - after all, imitation is the best form of flattery, but when our characters get a flat tire on their VW van and discover a house in the middle of nowhere, the references are all too clear. I have an idea - when the leading female character runs from the killer she should trip and fall too - now THAT would be something! It's going to take a lot more than that for this film to live up to its tagline "The new face of horror."


Regardless, I'm a sucker for films that try to introduce a new slasher icon, something rarely done anymore because the reality is your villain has some big shoes to fill. After all, you can't top Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, or Leatherface, yet filmmakers still try. Midnight Movie is leaps beyond Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, a pathetic attempt at creating a new horror icon, which I shut off after 20 minutes. At least the killer here has a cool weapon - a triangular metal knife that guts out your heart. I'm not going to spend any more time talking about this one or summing up the plot - you get the idea. All in all Midnight Movie is an entertaining film that goes good with popcorn and gets a few laughs. Check it out if you're bored and don't feel like renting Zach and Miri Make A Porno . . .

Midnight Movie website:
http://www.midnightmovie.com/

Movie Review # 34: My Bloody Valentine 3D

MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (2009)

Directed by Patrick Lussier

Remakes of classic horror films have become about as common as your first piss of the morning, and most of them are just that -- piss. Rather than reinventing the slasher genre, Hollywood has recycled it. But I don't care what anyone says, the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the first remake, not the mistake known as "The Beginning") was an excellent movie. Hollywood has cashed in on the remake craze these last few years and dished out dozens of awful reworks of cherished classics, much to the dismay of die-hard horror fanatics like myself. Needless to say when trailers for My Bloody Valentine started to surface, likely the only thing that got the attention of my fellow genre buffs was the fact that it was in 3D (apparently 2009 is slated for over 40 3D releases, most of which fall into the horror category). Now all we need is someone to open a drive thru . . .

Director Patrick Lussier claimed in a recent issue of Rue Morgue that his writers "stayed true to the story" as much as possible, which should be refreshing to fans of the 1981 Canadian original. Most directors claim to do this but very few actually succeed. So the story goes, a small mining town called Harmony is in chaos over an underground killing spree in Tunnel #5, where several miners died by the hands of a psychopath named Harry Warden who is left in a coma after the incident. The film opens in a hospital one year later, when Warden awakes from his coma and one of the best bloodbaths I've seen on screen ensues (the film crew admits to applying the blood to the set using buckets). Police arrive on the scene and are greeted by severed heads and mutilated bodies, with Warden leaving behind his trademark souvenir -- a human heart in a box of Valentine chocolates. Lussier claims the hospital scene is his homage to the original, a fitting intro to his version of the script.

Ten years later, main character Tom Hanniger (played by Jensen Ackles, whose bland and unintelligent delivery painfully resembles Keanu Reeves) returns to Harmony to negotiate the sale of the mine after his father's death. Too much time is spent developing this part of the story, because the audience really doesn't care about the mine being the locals' bread & butter - we just want to see some blood. MBV3D definitely delivers in this department. Warden's weapon of choice, the pickaxe, makes for some interesting kills that are further enhanced by the 3D, especially when the audience almost gets "hit" with a flying jawbone. In one scene a girl takes a shovel to the face, splitting her head in half at the mouth. Creative use of gore is the saving grace of this film, so much so that I'm willing to overlook the awful plot and poor choice of casting.

Unfortunately the film felt very long and drawn out, but just when boredom started to set in our masked miner appears for another murder. The gore factor is the strength of the film and holds our interest throughout. Messages like "Be Mine Forever" splattered in blood on the walls keep the Valentine theme going, and what is a horror film without some good old fashioned nudity? There's a great motel scene where blonde bombshell Irene (played by Betsy Rue) chases after her trucker boyfriend completely nude, wearing nothing but heels and carrying a pistol. This movie really has it all -- blood, violence, nudity, and even a midget, making it well worth the extra $2.50 for 3D glasses at the theater. I give it 5 toes and recommend it to anyone in the mood for a non-stop gore rollercoaster.

Check out the My Bloody Valentine 3D website over at:

www.mybloodyvalentinein3d.com

Movie Review # 33: Cannibal

CANNIBAL (2005)

Directed by Marian Dora

I can't help myself -- I have to see every horror movie about cannibals and clowns. Such characters can yield the most entertaining horror flicks and in some cases, the most shocking. Afterall - clowns are the scariest people on earth and cannibals - well, they eat human flesh for dinner. In brief, Cannibal is about a deranged individual who seeks his victims (or "volunteers") on the internet for sex followed by a hot meal. The entire film, based on a true story about real-life murderer Armin Meiwes, is silent (except for a handful of dialogue) which leaves interpretation up to the viewer. After meeting a few men who reject him, our main character finds a man online who actually wants to be eaten. Meiwes brings the man home and we are exposed to an abundance of man-ass and endless amounts of gay sex that I had to fast-forward through to get to the gore. When the blood finally spills, Cannibal made my skin crawl worse than the pregnant woman being gutted in the closing scene of Inside (2007). I'll try to summarize what happened without being too disgusting:

Meiwes tries to bite off the man's penis but cannot bring himself to do it. Then he takes an ordinary kitchen knife, sawing and cutting through it in a long, drawn-out realistic scene that will give any man chills down his spine. Meiwes leaves a bucket between his legs to bleed into between cries of pain and horror. Our cannibal then turns up the stove and grills the penis, feeding each other. Check, please.

The effects are so real we begin to question whether or not it is actually happening. This is perhaps every man's worst nightmare -- the film really hits us where it hurts. I was about to shut the movie off at this point and wish I did. Meiwes brings the naked man into another room, hangs him upside down by his feet, and slices his stomach open. He then reaches inside with his bare hands and removes the steaming hot intestines & guts. If that wasn't enough to make you reach for a barf bag, Meiwes smothers the innards all over his face and body while vomiting. This is where I shut it off.

Cannibal succeeds in only one area: totally grossing out the audience on a very low-budget. The lack of dialogue affects the character devlopment, but perhaps Dora did this to emphasize the underlying theme of extreme need -- both the need of Meiwes and his victim, which doesn't require dialogue to get across. The victim seems to have more control over the situation then Meiwes himself, considering the sex and cannibalism is consensual. However, if you're in the mood to witness some of the most disturbing gore effects ever seen on screen, then this is the movie for you. I would suggest keeping a barf bag close by and the TV remote if you just can't stand it . . .

Cannibal on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910548/

Moebius: Monster Scenes

MOEBIUS: MONSTER SCENES MODEL KITS

Long gone model company AURORA made quite a name for themselves with these horror kits in the early 1970's, with a line that included great looking dinosaurs, classic Universal Studios monsters, and a fairly decent Godzilla and Mothra. They were THE great model company of the day. Based in West Hempstead NY, right here on Long Island, the buildings that once housed the models has since been destroyed, but the geniuses over at Dencomm & Moebius Models decided to re-release the kits for nerds like us!

The pieces, plastic and made to snap together, are reproduced to be EXACTLY like the originals (which you can still find on Ebay but they will cost you an arm and a leg - they retailed for about $1.30 when they first came out). The new re-issues go for under $30.00, with especially cool designs like Dr. Deadly and The Hanging Cage.

The tagline "Rated X for Excitement!" and the focus on scenes of torture made these kits extremely controversial for their time, when American families thought violent films were turning their kids into serial killers. Religious groups and newspapers protested against the products, claiming they promoted sex and sadism to children. As a response to the controversy, Aurora stopped production in 1971 and the products were removed from the shelves - but now, over three decades later, you too can own a piece of horror history!

Being born in 1979, I didn't get to experience the original Monster Scenes. But you can bet I have at least two of these kits on my Christmas list this year. I heard there are only about 5,000 of them made, so grab them while you can.

Visit the Moebius Models website for info on these kits, the upcoming Chamber of Horrors series, and to order the new Monster Scenes:

http://www.dencomm.net/